Part 2

I asked Jim to wait in my dressing room as I have the previous seven nights.

When he is not at my side, I feel uneasy. I... yearn... for the sound of his voice, his laughter, the touch of his cool body, during the long hours of the day.

And tomorrow... This is something I rather not think of yet.

I stop short at the door to my dressing room. When did this start? When did I begin to think like a human? For a moment, I gaze unseeingly at the entry. *Jim* is waiting in there. I can feel him.

When did I allow him to become this important in my life? He is just a groupie - like Ben's giggling redhead... 'Enjoy it and forget it,' Sheanna would say and laugh.

I am going to end this. I cannot allow him to come this close to me. But not now. In the morning will be early enough.

I push the door open.

* * *

He is sleeping now.

Lying on his back, one arm neatly tucked beneath his head in an odd childlike gesture. I allow my eyes to trace his body. From the surprisingly small feet along sturdy legs, dusted with a nearly invisible trail of bright hair, towards the genitals in their nest of darker pubic hair, covering the human's groin. I want... need... have to taste him again, just once more... before we have to part in the morning.

But not now, I want him to be rested. My gaze caresses his belly, the muscular, smooth chest - moving in the soft rhythm of his breathing... bronze nipples he loves to have sucked. And trails slowly upward, along the sensitive flesh of his neck, covered with marks left from my mouth and teeth, to his face. I memorise the look of... peace there, the slight smile playing around his lips, for the days ahead. The way his lashes rest on his cheeks, the stubborn curl in the midst of his forehead.

Jim is so... so human - emotional, sensual, seductive... I never know anyone like him before.

* * *

Five a.m. ... my gaze travels from the clock to my sleeping lover. At some time during the last hours he turned, for now his back is to me. I just have to reach for him...

Slowly I draw with my fingertips an imaginary line down his spine to the crack of his buttocks. I hear Jim gasp and it just fuels my arousal. He awakes.

I spoon my body close to his, as he turns his head to meet my lips. "Good morning, t'hy'la," I whisper after a too short kiss, using the age-old endearment without conscious thought.

"'Sounds nice..." A yawn. "'Morning, Spock. What does t'hy'la mean?"

I avoid his eyes. "There... there is no translation for it." Then I claim his mouth again.

I can feel Jim's heartbeat as I brush my lips over the sensitive skin of his neck, down to his shoulder. He moans as I bite into the salty flesh, leaving a reddish mark behind. I feel the urge to sink my teeth into him, to taste his blood, but I restrain myself from actually doing so. Releasing him from my arms, I turn Jim over to lie flat on his back. I bend anew my head to kiss his eyes shut.

"Just let me love you," I whisper. And I cannot be sure whom I tell this...

He arches against my touch as I close my lips around his nipple, sucking hard at the tiny piece of flesh, while I caress the other nub with my fingers. I feel his cool hands in my hair, my face - stroking my cheek, the tip of an ear. I slide deeper, dislodge his hands and place a sucking kiss over his stomach.

He jack-knifes and laughs, reaching again for me. I put his arms over his head and silence his protest with a lingering kiss.

Jim is ticklish... I run my fingers down his sides to the point where a Vulcan's heart would beat, and listen to his chuckle. I bend my head to press my lips on this spot, savouring the cool skin, the salty taste. I could lie like this forever, enveloped in his scent, his laughter, his coolness.

I push such foolish thoughts away and slide deeper to touch my lips to the tip of his erection.

Jim gasps.

A lick along the length of his penis and he moans.

A fingertip at the hidden entrance to his body sends a tremor through him.

I suck his entire length into my mouth as my finger breaks the tight ring of muscles. With a strangled cry, he arches against me and I grab his hip with my free hand to stop his motion. I want this to last...

* * *

I lift my head from Jim's belly, my own arousal makes me uncomfortable. But I will not... can not... 'End it now,' a cold voice within me orders.

I still feel dizzy from the waves of pleasure rolling over me as orgasm claimed Jim. I am always able to perceive his sensations during our lovemaking, but this time was different - more intense, almost channelled.

Jim's fingers are still in my hair...

"I'd like you to wake me every morning like this..." he whispers.

Every morning... I release Jim from my weight and turn on my side, to hide my face from his eyes. There will be no other morning like this... I harden my resolve and sit up again to look at Jim.

He is still sprawled on his back, legs slightly parted, his hair in disarray. He smiles a lazy, satisfied smile I have come to lov... No!

Jim opens his eyes, reaches for me. A cool hand brushes my erection. His smile broadens and he spreads his legs wider. "Come, your turn."

I hover for a moment on the edge of losing my determination. A bitter taste like regret fills my mouth. He is intelligent, sensual and obviously in love with me. What more could I possibly ask for...

I avoid his eyes, his face. *Who are you, doing this to me?"* - *"I'm just a fan, your fan..."*

No, he is... cannot be the mate I seek. I could call him t'hy'la like I did this morning but he would not be... not in the true definition of the word. Never be a bondmate. He is human. Jim is human. And humans do not bond. He would not understand. He rouses feelings in me, I am not allowed to feel...

Cool fingers on my thigh, stroking, circling. "What's wrong? Don't you..."

"No!" I pull back from his tempting touch. Startled hazel eyes meet mine and I avert my gaze. I leave the bed, wrap myself in my robe. I turn my back to the man in the bed. "Go."

Silence. Then the quiet tapping of naked feet, approaching me. Cool hands on my shoulders.

"Hey, tell me what's wrong, love."

I shake my head, unable to speak. I did not think it would hurt so much...

Jim's hands slide down my stiff back, rubbing my shoulders, gently massaging against the sudden tension. The tip of a tongue circles the inside of my ear... and I cannot suppress a moan. Soft chuckle answers me. "Come back to bed, Spock. Let me take care of you."

I shake off his hands and start to pick up his clothes trailed on the floor, where we left them in our desire for each other the night before. And throw them onto the bed.

"Dress," I order coldly.

There is a long moment of silence. "No," his voice is a mere whisper. "I don't believe this. You're throwing me out like this? After... all?"

I clear my throat. "I no longer care for your acquaintance." The lie nearly chokes me.

"You can't be serious." Pain in his voice. "Spock, I lo..."

"No!" I cannot stop myself from yelling. "Go. Dress and go."

For some time there is only his heavy breath breaking the silence. Then... "Okay," his voice sounds hoarse and I can hear him swallow. "Okay, if this is what you want."

I listen to the rustle of his clothes, then his steps. "Spock?" I do not turn.

He passes by on his way to the door and I can barely restrain myself not to reach for him. He does not look at me.

As he leaves the room, I involuntarily step forward.... as if to follow him. But I stop myself from going any further than the door, and watch him crossing the room.

Jim nearly collides with Sheanna who just enters the suite. Her puzzled gaze follows him, then returns to me.

The next moment she is at my side. "Spock? Hey, you all right? You look awful. What's wrong?"

All I can do is to shake my head and step back, allow the door to close. I sit down on the floor, the wall behind my back the only thing to prevent me from collapsing. For some time I just rest there.

* * *

At last I come to my feet and return to bed, throwing my robe carelessly on the floor.

The silk beneath me reminds me of his skin, as I bury my face into the cool material.

I can smell him in the sheets, in the pillows. It arouses me. I yearn for him. For a moment I think I can feel his arms, holding me... his mouth brushing mine. This is madness, but I do not care. I rub myself against the sheet.

Slowly I turn to my back again, try to will my erection down, but I cannot.

I am out of control.

I close my eyes - and my fingers around my penis. They are a miserable replacement for the cool one I crave. Two, three times I move my hand fast and hard, then I can come.

And the tears I cannot cry burn in my throat.

Slowly the pain subsides... leaving a black numbness in my mind.

The years spent with the mastery of my emotions seem not wasted. My performance tonight was satisfactory. I am sure no one suspects that my mind was not on it.

I push the plate back; food has lost all its appeal to me. A touch on my shoulder startles me. I look up only to meet Sheanna's eyes.

"Not hungry?" she asks, sitting next to me. She picks something from my plate to stuff into her mouth. The next moment she gasps for air and downs my cup of tea. "Hot... this is hot," she breathes, her cheeks flaming and eyes watering.

"Sheanna, you will not find vulcan cuisine to your liking." I order water for her. As it arrives, she downs it with nearly one huge gulp.

"Do you feel better?"

She nods. "Much better." Her gaze seeks mine. "S'Aris told me where to find you, but he didn't warn me that you're trying to poison yourself."

"This dish is not poisonous, rather very spicy for human taste." I avoid her eyes, while I try to hold on to the banter. Sheanna and I have known each other for a long time now. Over the years, she has come close to me - as close as I can allow. But I consider her a friend. "Why did you seek me?"

She brushes her hair back. "What's wrong with you?" she asks quietly. "You're obviously not eating and S'Aris says, you do not sleep much."

I order fresh tea to postpone a response. "I am well," I answer at last after I receive it.

"Yeah, that's why you left out a whole sentence of the last song tonight."

I sit up straighter. "I did..."

She fleetingly touches my arm. "Relax, no one noticed except the boys and I. But... what's on your mind, Spock? It's not like you to make such a mistake."

I find I do not have an answer for her. My mind is on Jim. There - I allowed myself to think his name.

"You behave strangely since we left..."

"It is nothing," I cut her off. I see my hands - holding the cup - trembling slightly. "Nothing. He is..." I did not intend to say this. But of course, she is after me instantly.

"He? Who 'he'?" she urges. "Spock... talk to me."

I cannot. Why does she not understand? All I want is to be left alone. I study the contents of my cup and keep my silence.

She knows me well enough not to press me harder. "Okay," she says gently. "Okay, you know where to find me, if you change your mind."

I will not - I am Vulcan. I do not need these human rituals, talking about things that cannot be changed. I am Vulcan. Kaiidth.

I lift my head and meet S'Aris' eyes across the room. I do not remember him coming in. He reported my lack of rest to Sheanna. The guard usually sleeps in the room next to mine. What else does he know, I wonder?

He gets up and comes to me, standing very stiff.

"S'Aris'Ka - you will cease to worry about me." A shadow crosses his face as I accuse him sharply of worrying about me, but I do not care. "There is no cause." He just nods.

"This will be all, S'Aris."

He starts to turn, but stops. "Just one thing, Sir," he says noncommittally. He carefully lays a small strip of paper on the table. "Please let me know if I can be of further assistance." With this, he leaves me alone.

For a moment, I gaze suspiciously at the paper, before I take it in my hand to look at it. Just two words are on it. Kirk and the name of a street in the town he lives. How can S'Aris know... have I been so obvious?

The crushed paper rustles in my fist and almost startled I open my fingers again.

Slowly I come to my feet and return to my assigned room. I need to meditate. Maybe I will find peace in it.

* * *

It is logical to seek out a source of disquiet to find a way to eliminate it. So I tell myself repeatedly like a mantra. Again my gaze travels out of the window of the aircar.

Four days have passed by since S'Aris laid a strip of paper with Jim's address on the table. Four days in which I could hardly think of anything else.

And today I ordered S'Aris to take me to him. Tonight is one of the few evenings we do not perform, so I am free to do so.

* * *

It is early afternoon, as S'Aris stops the car in front of an obviously old building. I get out. For a moment I hesitate, then I open the door. Next to it is a plate, reading: Eris Clek - nothing more. But this is the right address, I already checked.

A long corridor leads to a door, printed with the same name - Eris Clek. I knock. My throat is dry; my heart beats too fast.

"Come." It is Jim's voice.

I slowly push the door open to enter into an office, elegant and functional furnished. Jim is working behind a desk. He looks up.

I do not know what I expected - maybe surprise. But he just calmly meets my eyes. "What took you so long?"

* * *

My mind in turmoil, all I can do is gaze at him. I drink in the sight of him in his near uniform-like attire. For a long time we only look at each other.

Then Jim gets up. He disappears into a room to his right.

Through the open door, I can hear him talking to a woman.

"Lori, I'm out for the rest of the afternoon. Please tell Mr. Clek that I finished the calculations. See you tomorrow."

Then he is back, only a step away from me. But I find myself unable to move even this small distance. He lifts his hand as if to touch me, but stops.

"No," he says quietly, like talking to himself. "Not here." He straightens. "My apartment is a five minutes ride away. Let's get out of here."

I follow him like a puppet, drawn forward by invisible strings...

* * *

I do not look at S'Aris' face as Jim enters the car with me and orders him to drive to his apartment. Instead, I stare blindly at the floor beneath my feet. Something like fear, mixed with a strange excitement, pools in my stomach, increases the rate of my heartbeat.

We stop in front of one of these anonymous apartment buildings. And anew I follow Jim's lead without a conscious thought.

In the close proximity of the lift, I can feel his body next to mine. The coolness of his skin. Too soon the ride ends and again I find myself faced with a door.

Jim opens it with an electronic key. "Please come in." I dare not look at his face - but I see his hands tremble slightly.

* * *

Silence. We sit in a small, but elegant living room. Suddenly Jim lifts his head to meet my eyes across the table, which separates us. "Why are you here, Spock?"

"I... do not know," I answer truthfully. I have to drop my eyes. Cool fingers brush mine, laying on the smooth, wooden surface of the table.

"Spock?"

I do not look up. I cannot.

"Don't tell me you can't feel it."

Something inside my mind struggles to make itself know, but I push it away. I wait for Jim to continue.

"Did you really think I'm one of these fools who believe they know everything and in fact know nothing? I know you... at least I do Vulcans." He gets up and turns away from me.

"Jim, you do not know..." I try to make him understand, but he cuts me off.

"I do understand that we are somehow linked, right?"

His words shock me to the core of my being. Linked?

Without really knowing it, I come to my feet, too. Passing around the table I stand next to Jim. And reach for the meld points on his face. But he steps back.

"Excuse me, I need to get out of this clothes." With this he turns and disappears in an adjoining room. After a moment I follow him.

* * *

Jim shrugs out of his jacket, as I enter the room - his bedroom. His back is turned to me.

For a moment he hesitates, but then sheds his shirt too. He hangs it carefully over the back of a chair, before turning to me.

"Well?" he asks, crossing his arms in front of his naked chest.

"Jim, I..." I take one step uncertainly towards him. "I... may I touch your mind?"

He reaches for me and as I take his hand, a jolt like electricity sparkles from the touch. Jim closes his eyes for a moment, then drags me to the bed. He pushes me down to sit on its surface, then lowers himself next to me.

For a moment I do not know how to start. But again it is Jim who takes the lead and I follow willingly. He takes my hand anew and presses it to his cheek. Instinctively I sense the meld points and slip easily into his mind.

Too easily. I am already familiar with the pattern of his thoughts... as if we did meld before. But this is impossible...

I remember the last time we made love and with what clarity I perceived his sensations. The cool touch of his fingertips pressed against my skull... Slowly I open my eyelids to gaze at him.

Hazel eyes gleam with anticipation; there is no fear in Jim's face.

Rare to find in a human, most of them are afraid of the mind meld. This is why I seldom seek mates from my mother's kind. And if I do, I keep them just for a night or two as lovers and part before I might yield to the urge to probe the mind as well as the body.

But Jim... Jim seems not only to accept my mind touch, but he is actually initiating it. This should not be possible, he his human - but I receive clear images from his mind. I lower my shielding to grant him access to mine.

* * *

...A young human sits in a library, studying tapes about Vulcans... the same human - Jim, somewhat older, but it is nevertheless Jim - talking to a Vulcan ambassador. I recognise with shock my own father. Sarek talking with Jim, more animated than ever I saw him...

Upset I break the meld, jerk my hand from his face. Pain flashes over Jim's features. "Why?" my voice is a hoarse whisper. "Why did you do this?"

Jim opens his eyes and swallows visibly. "Because I always ever knew I would meet you one day," he answers quietly. "I didn't know your name or your face. But I saw you in my dreams..."

Still disconcerted I stare at him. "In your dreams..." I replay slowly. This is impossible. I must have lost my senses - that is the only explanation I have.

But I am sane. I can feel it now, the link - a silver chain, stretched between Jim and me. It scares me.

"Easy," Jim's voice breaks through the haze in my mind. He pushes me down to lay flat on my back. "I know it's kind of a shock. It took me some time to come to terms with it myself when I first saw your face in the news."

The steady flow of his words soothes me. Like the subtle play of his hands, sliding over my arms, my shoulders.

I grasp his fingers. "Jim...," I whisper. "You are not the only one who dreamt." I pull his hands to my mouth to place a kiss on his palms.

"You mean... you, too?" Jim sounds incredulous. He pulls his head back, leaving me bereft. "But why then did you throw me out like that?"

Now it is my turn to swallow nervously. " I am not sure, if I can explain," I answer after a moment. "You... my response to you... startled me."

"You're right, I do *not* understand." But there is something in his eyes...

"You made me feel, t'hy'la." I can find no other words to explain.

A smile lights up his face. "Spock - you're trying to tell me, you've fallen in love with me?" he asks gently.

I just gaze at him. And then he bends his head to cover my mouth with his cool lips.

* * *

Again little jolts of electricity spark between us as we kiss hungrily. I close my hands around Jim's face to keep him near as I deepen the kiss, sucking his tongue into my mouth.

I feel his searching fingers on the fastener of my tunic, releasing it, and the black material falls open. I moan into his mouth as he touches my naked skin.

Intellectually I know we should stop, should talk first. But I find myself unable to stop. My hands travel down his back to cup his buttocks as he rubs against me.

Jim pushes himself away from my touch as he breaks the kiss to breath. "Don't you think, this would be more comfortable, if we get out off these clothes?"

All I can do is nod and watch as he sheds the remainder of his clothing. Afterwards I arch my back to assist him in removing mine.

And then he is back in my arms again - cool, slightly damp skin sliding over mine. I feel his erection poking into my hip as he settles himself on top of me.

"I missed you," he whispers, sucking at the tip of my ear.

Now, with the link between us open, there is no need for words and I claim his mouth. Jim thrusts against me, but I need more. I roll us around until I lay atop of him and seek his eyes.

With a smile, Jim opens his legs wider to give me permission. But it is not what I want now.

I get up to kneel beside him and bend my head to suck at his nipples. With a moan, he arches towards my touch, but I have already released the hard nub and slide deeper. I dip my tongue into his navel and hear him chuckle, because he is ticklish there.

I bury my nose for a moment in his pubic hair before I close my lips around the head of his penis. His taste fills my mouth; his moans are my entire world as I press the tip of my tongue in the tiny slit to taste him...

Not enough. I release him, ignore his murmur of protest as I lie beside him on my belly.

I send him a picture of us, locked in the embrace of lovers, my surrender to him. I turn my head to face him. He meets my eyes, touching my cheek with his fingertips.

"You're sure?"

I nod and close my eyes. The bed shifts as he comes to his knees, leaning over me to grab something from the drawer beside the bed.

A moment later, something wet and cool trickles down the crack between my buttocks and I shiver. A slick finger probes my entrance and I order my body to relax. I gasp as his finger enters me.

"Easy." Jim's free hand roams over my back, my thighs, stroking, soothing.

A second digit enters me, stretching, circling until I start to rock back on his touch. A third... I feel Jim's lips on my neck and tremble with need.

"Now, please. Jim. T'hy'la..." I reach behind me to guide him nearer.

But Jim laughs and evades my grip. "Patience, love. Soon." And again he bends his head to lick and nip my neck, my ears.

Through the link, I sense his reluctance and the cause for it. "You will not hurt me, please, Jim." I am not above begging anymore. As he straddles me, I nearly sob in relief.

He withdraws his fingers and then I feel his penis nudging at the entrance to my body. And I push back to impale myself.

As easily as I earlier slid in his mind, he enters me now. Cool fingers close around my penis to stroke me in time with his thrusts.

Too soon, it is too much. Impaling myself once more I press my face into the pillow to stifle my scream as I come.

A moment later, I feel Jim tumbling over the edge too.

* * *

I open my eyes after a while, as I lay secure inside the circle of cool arms. Jim is curled up behind me, his body pressed close to mine. His face tucked into the curve of my neck. I can feel the steady beat of his heart.

"You okay?" he whispers, though I give no sign of being awake. It is not necessary, because of the link between us.

"I am... well, t'hy'la," I answer, reaching for his hand, resting slightly above my heart. I pull it towards my face to place a kiss on every fingertip. "I must ask your forgiveness, Jim."

"For what? Loving me?" He is solemn despite the teasing sound of his words.

Slowly I turn to my back to face him, reaching for his second hand too. "For forming a link to you without your consent. This is a very serious crime on my home wor... on Vulcan."

"You never told me..." he says. "What t'hy'la means," he continues as I look at him puzzled.

For a moment, I am not sure how to reply to this. "Jim, you're evasive on purpose. To force a link..."

"You did not force me!" he answers with surprising anger. He pulls his hand from my grip to close them around my face. "You hear me?" His kiss is hungry and demanding and for a moment, I am tempted to postpone this discussion and to give in to him.

But he is first to break the kiss. "I'm no telepath and I don't know nearly as much as I'd like to about this. But it feels right to me, Spock. I... trust you. I loved you even before I knew your name."

There is something in his eyes... an emotion I had a flicker of on our first night. Now I know... it is love. But I sense a faint touch of regret in his thoughts. I extend two fingers to draw them along the line of his cheek to his chin.

"What is it, t'hy'la?" I ask.

His smile does not reach his eyes as he leans into the touch. "Nothing. Nothing important right now. Why won't you tell me what t'hy'la means? I've read it few times before, but there was no translation."

"It is high-Vulcan, a very old concept of warriors." I brush the meld points in his face with the tips of my fingers. "The word itself means friend, brother, lover. But I would rather show you than explain."

I continue the feather-like caresses, mesmerised by the subtle play of emotions and thoughts I sense beneath the cool, silken skin.

He closes his eyes. "What about S'Aris? Doesn't he wait for you?" Jim whispers.

"Jim, he is able to take care of himself," I answer, tracing the slightly arch of his brow - not like a Vulcan. Human. Mine...

He smiles as he slides over to cover me with his body. "And I will take care of you..."

Again, I am not overly hungry. This time I rather enjoy watching Jim feed his ravenous appetite. It is early evening and I am... feeling strangely relaxed. I feel... free.

Even if there is no way to deny my feelings for him any longer, I am not entirely comfortable with them.

I lift my eyes to find his gaze on me.

He reaches across the table to brush two cool fingers over the back of my hand. "You're awfully quiet, love. Don't say you have to go soon."

I take his hand into mine. "No, Jim. I am free for tonight."

He smiles. "Does this mean you're staying for breakfast, too?"

* * *

To be continued in Part 3