2001 ASC Award: The newsgroup would like to
recommend: TOS Humor or Parody
Two Men And A Baby
Code: K/S (humor)
Rating: PG-13 (m/m implied)
Summary: Spock wants a child, and Kirk has to carry it.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns the boys. I borrowed them only for some fun. No money-making, no offence of copyrights are intended. The story is mine, and it is just fanfiction.
If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with the idea that two boys love each other, then look elsewhere for your entertainment. English is not my native language, so please be patient with my mistakes. Isla did a really great job in correcting my errors. My greatest gratitude to her. For all
remaining errors, blame me.
Sometime on board the starship Enterprise.
"I feel sick." Captain James Tiberius Kirk fell back on his bed, flopped his head back on the pillow, and exhibited a tormented face. "And I don't want to have breakfast!"
"Jim, you must eat something!" Commander Spock sat down on the edge of the bunk, a well-filled tray in his hands.
Jim gave a quick glance to the offered food. "I don't want greens and milk. I want coffee and a juicy steak and a brandy."
Spock suppressed a frustrated groan. "Jim, alcohol and coffee are really not good for you in your condition. You need vitamins and calcium."
It occurred to him that he had to speak as though he were dealing with a stubborn child. His Vulcan patience began to slowly to vanish. Jim, with all of his moods, had been difficult to take care of in the last few days.
"Stop constantly mothering me. I'm not ill and, besides, I'm the mother in your stupid game."
Spock did not let himself be confused by this statement but patiently offered the glass full of milk to his bondmate. "I do not mother you, it is only logical... "
Spock did not even find the time to be surprised, as Jim suddenly jumped off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. The glass of milk was struck from Spock's hand and its contents poured mercilessly on his uniform.
Spock rolled his eyes. "What is wrong again now?" he murmured to himself.
The unmistakable sounds of Jim emptying the contents of his stomach gave him the answer immediately.
A short time later, a pale Jim Kirk appeared in the door. "I'm going to the bridge now. I'll feel a lot better there." He pulled his uniform straight.
The smile he gave to the still-dripping Spock was less then friendly. "I would recommend that you put some dry clothes on yourself before you report to duty, Commander."
James Kirk stretched comfortably in his command chair on the bridge of the Enterprise and observed the warp-stripes of the stars as they passed by.
Yes, he belonged here. He was lost in thought as he stroked his hands over his stomach. I must have been crazy to let myself get talked into this situation. Jim cursed once more the day at that Spock had came to him with a request - a very big request, to be honest.
The otherwise always so calm Vulcan had needed a long time to find the courage to tell him: "Jim, I want to have a child."
Jim had nearly laughed, because he thought it was an attempt by his Vulcan to make a joke. Then it became clear to him that his bondmate meant it quite seriously.
Spock had explained to him that his family, and especially his father, would expect him, as the only son, to provide the family with a heir. His father didn't care how he did it. Sarek didn't have any concern for
Spock's relationship with Jim.
They had both agreed that the usual, natural way was out of the question for them. Having sex with a woman, even for reproductive reasons, was unacceptable for both. They would not allow their relationship to be put at risk over this.
They had seriously thought about adoption. But suddenly McCoy, who accidentally overheard one of their conversations about Spock's dilemma, had shown up with his idea that they should have a child together.
Jim had only half-listened, when the doctor talked about genetic engineering, which would permit to have both their genes in a female egg so that the child was genetically really theirs.
Jim hadn't wanted to know either where or from whom McCoy had got the egg. He had let them both know that if Spock really wanted to have a child, he would be glad to do his part - a small *donation,* he had assumed.
But he regretted this soon - and regretted it violently. He had never expected at that time that he would to be the one to carry the baby in this plan. "It's a lot easier to adjust your male human body to a pregnancy than
Spock's Half-Vulcan one," McCoy had explained. "There are too many hormones involved, which would be too complicated and risky with Spock's mixed heritage."
Spock was polite enough to say that he was sorry that he himself could not be the *mother* and carry the child himself.
Damn, Vulcan! Jim struck the elbow-rest of his chair furiously. Then suddenly everything around him twisted. Damn morning sickness!
Ignoring the puzzled looks of his crew, Jim jumped up and hurried to the turbolift. As the door opened, and Spock stepped out, Jim barely had the time to tell to him to take over command.
When the door closed behind him, Jim leaned dizzily against the cool wall and murmured quietly "Sickbay."
"Jim, what... " Leonard McCoy looked surprised as his captain and friend rushed into sickbay and almost ran him over, hurrying to the nearest wash-basin.
"Shh, Jim. Everything is alright." The doctor put an arm gently around Jim's shoulder and led him to the nearest bed.
"Nothing is alright," Jim hissed back as he sank down on the bed.
Slowly some colour returned to his pale face. "I feel continually sick and dizzy. I can't eat anything in the morning, and I can't stop eating in the evening. Sometimes I'm so furious that I want to throw the whole crew out of the nearest airlock without any reason. And then I have to struggle not to fall into Spock's arms and cry on the bridge."
"Morning-sickness, dizziness and voracious appetite attacks are quite normal for the first weeks of a pregnancy, Jim. Also mood swings. The body must adjust itself to the changed status. Your body is reacting to the artificial hormones more than would be the case for a woman. But there is no reason to be disturbed; everything is really quite normal."
"Except for the small fact that I'm a man and not a woman," Jim said sarcastically. "I can't do it any more, Bones. I can't stand it any longer. I want my old life back."
"If you want to terminate the thing, then we'll finish it."
"Just like that?" Jim was somewhat surprised. He hadn't thought it would be this easy with Bones.
"Jim, it's only fair to speak with Spock about it first. It's his child, too. But like the women's movement reminded us some centuries ago, your body is yours. It's your decision. If you want to terminate the pregnancy, then we
will do it."
"Bones!" Jim Kirk jumped off the bed with a shocked look. "You're talking about an abortion."
"Yes, I am."
"How can you?" Jim put his hands over his stomach protectively. "That's perverse. This is Spock's and my child. I can't just get rid of it like that."
"Then," McCoy said with a smirk, "you must go through this, Jim."
Some weeks later.
Captain James Kirk sat in his command chair on the bridge of the Enterprise as they slowly approached their destination .
In the next few weeks, the Enterprise's crew would map the whole sector. Spock and McCoy were both happy that they were engaged in a routine mission. In all probability, this mission would not involve too much stress and excitement for their captain. Jim rolled his eyes, thinking that both had been sharing the same opinion much too often lately for his taste, especially where it concerned Jim's personal well-being.
He could not stand to hear it anymore: "Jim, you must be careful in your condition." Hell, he was a man and not a little child that someone had to wrap in wool. This child was making him slowly crazy.
Lost in thought, Jim stroked his hand over his bulging stomach, which had become quite visible under his uniform. In spite of his troubles, he had admit to himself that it was a beautiful feeling to give life to a new being.
If he were honest with himself, he further had to admit that he was beginning to love the idea that he would have a child in which he and Spock would continue to live and to whom they could give something from themselves.
His eyes brightened as he directed them again toward the main viewing screen. There is a fantastic universe out there, my little one. I will teach you everything I know about it, my son.
Jim looked up, when he suddenly heard Spock's amused voice in his thoughts. >And what will you do, if it is a girl?<
"I can't believe that Bones with all his medical mumbo-jumbo couldn't determine the gender of the baby as he engineered it. At least he must be able to determine it now. "
Jim snuggled himself comfortably in Spock's arms in their bed.
"I think the doctor knows the gender of the baby." Spock let his hands gently stroke over Jim's growing bulge. "He just does not want to tell us. He does not wish to spoil the anticipation and the surprise."
"It seems to me that he enjoys seeing me suffering. This is his revenge, for all the times when I drank him under the table. I always knew that Bones was a sadist. And you're conspiring with him."
Spock quickly changed the topic to that of their mental talk some hours ago on the bridge. "You would prefer to have a son instead of a daughter?"
Jim shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Yes, perhaps. I could teach everything that I know to a son and perhaps he could follow in my footsteps and take over the Enterprise some day."
"Jim, you are old-fashioned. Equal rights of the genders has existed in most of the Federation, including Earth and Vulcan for centuries. A daughter could have the same career as a son."
"I know, Spock. But...", Jim shrugged again helplessly. "I can't explain it. It's just that a son would be more like you and I."
Jim turned in the arms of his partner and examined Spock curiously. "And what do you wish? Wouldn't you prefer a boy? Wouldn't your father prefer a male heir?"
Jim knew that Vulcan was a matriarchal society, but it still seemed that having a son was important to Vulcans. Spock had told him once that Sarek and Amanda had been glad to have a son when Spock was born.
Jim didn't want to think about this further. Fortunately, his father-in-law, who wasn't very happy about his bonding with Spock to begin with, didn't yet know about his coming good fortune in becoming a grandfather.
God alone probably knows, what Sarek will say if I give birth to a daughter. Perhaps he'll want us to try it again. In face, Spock may want more then one child after his own unhappy experiences as an only child.
Not me, my love. Once is enough. I won't do it again. Jim decided that if Spock want to have a second child, he'd have to carry it by himself. He should ask Bones to start investigating now. Pah, he didn't believe that Spock couldn't carry a child because of his mixed heritage. It was all most likely a conspiracy between Spock and McCoy.
"Jim." Spock intensified his stroking of Jim's stomach as he whispered in Jim's ear, "The gender of the baby does not matter to me. I love you, t'hy'la, and it is marvellous that we can have a child together. The only thing that counts is that it is healthy and you are, too."
"Everything is fine." Leonard McCoy looked again at his mediscanner and smiled at the captain who reclined on the bio-bed.
"I've seldom seen such a normal pregnancy. Perhaps I should write a medical technical report about you."
"Don't even think about this, if you want to live." Jim looked at Spock, who was watching the display of the medical monitor in fascination.
Jim wondered if the Vulcan could make sense out of the readings and finally figure out the gender of their child. But he doubted somehow that McCoy would let them know it so easily.
Perhaps I should ask Spock to hack into Bones' computer files. The gender must be written down somewhere.
"Jim." McCoy diverted his attention again as he tugged on Jim's uniform. "You should look around for something less tight to wear. That uniform is uncomfortable, isn't it?"
Jim looked down at the growing bulge that appeared clearly under his uniform. Why must Starfleet uniforms be cut so damn tight?
Jim rose slowly from the bed. "Say it clearly, Bones. I'm getting fat." He smiled sarcastically. "And at your next opportunity, think about something, that I could tell my crew about why their captain looks like a fat walrus."
"How about the truth?" McCoy suggested.
"Are you crazy, Bones? We agreed that this ... er ... *little experiment* would stay a secret between the three of us."
Jim didn't want to think about how Starfleet Command would react, if They heard at the Admirality that the captain of their flagship was walking around pregnant. He would probably lose command of the Enterprise immediately. That he could not risk. And if one of the crew knows, they'd all know it sooner or later.
On a starship, nothing remains a secret for long.
"Bones, it out of the question. Next thing you know, I'll be exchanging cooking recipes with Uhura and knitting baby socks with Chapel. What would the crew think about a captain in this condition? If they knew, no one would take me seriously any more."
Spock looked up from the computer display at Jim. "Perhaps the doctor should resume nagging you several times a day that you are not keeping to your suggested diet."
Jim shock his head. "I'm afraid I couldn't possibly eat that much to explain my growing size. And I have been eating like an overweight Horta lately "
"You must eat for two, so it's okay," said McCoy. "Perhaps I should spread the rumour that you caught some nasty disease during your last shore-leave. Something sexually transmitted perhaps."
McCoy grinned. "In a certain sense it would be true."
"Don't even think about that, Bones." Kirk lifted his index finger threateningly. "What would the people think about Spock and me? If nothing reasonable occurs to you, I'll personally beam you out with the transporter and forget that you have to rematerialize somewhere. This whole thing was your idea, so you'd better figure out how you can get me through this."
Some weeks later.
Sitting in his command chair, James Kirk observed the view, which the main screen offered. This was a blue, green and white world – an uninhabited planet, which they were investigating for its raw
For the captain, there was not much to do in such a situation. The ship's sensors operated at full speed. The computers analysed the results. Landing parties investigated the planet.
Usually Jim would have accompanied one of the landing parties, if only to snatch some *fresh air*. But now he could not do so. Spock and McCoy would have probably lashed him in his chair if he had made the smallest effort to leave the ship.
So he sat here and bored himself to death. I want to have adventures again. This continuing careful treatment makes me crazy. Jim stared furiously at his extended belly, which took all the fun out of his life. The uniform
stretched unpleasantly even though he had already selected the largest size that the replicator offered.
Jim turned his head and observed Spock, who was bent over his science station. The captain was surprised that his first officer had told him, that he, too, would remain on board and that he would let his subordinates make the planetary investigations.
Jim was not sure whether Spock stayed on board out of solidarity with him or only to keep him under better control.
Suddenly Jim felt something inside him. What's that? There it was again. Was that a kick or what? But from where? Jim, twitched suddenly when it became clear to him who moved inside him. Surprised, he pressed his hands on his stomach and groaned quietly.
"Jim?" Spock was at his side immediately. "What is the matter? Shall I call the doctor? Is something wrong with you?"
Jim looked up and saw the great concern in Spock's dark eyes. He smiled reassuringly at his beloved.
"Everything is fine, Spock; no reason to be concerned. I was only shocked when the baby suddenly moved."
Jim could feel through their bond how much Spock had to struggle not to kneel in front of him and touch his belly. Jim gently stroked his fingers over his stomach and tried to concentrate on the movements of their child
and to project these feelings to Spock. >Can you feel it, Spock?< he asked silently.
>Jim!< the Vulcan was almost speechless from the overwhelming feelings Jim had sent to him in this way. >It is wonderful.<
"Spock," Jim snuggled closer to his bondmate as they lay together in their bed in the evening. "Don't you love me any more?"
"Jim, why would you think that? Of course, I love you." Spock's hand stroked lovingly over Jim's extended abdomen, feeling the child moving inside.
"But you no longer find me desirable because I'm as fat as a walrus. "
"Jim, I do not really know what brought you to such an illogical idea. You do not look anything like the Terran species called walrus. It is our child that you carry. How could I not find you attractive, t'hy'la?"
"So why don't you want to have sex with me any longer?"
Jim turned in Spock's arms and examined the Vulcan closely. Spock blushed and swallowed hard.
"I did not know... I thought... Jim, I thought, you would not have the desire for sex any more in your condition."
"My condition, my condition!" Jim snapped loudly. "I can't hear it any longer. Damn, Spock, I'm not ill. I'm only pregnant. Billions of women in the whole galaxy have been doing this for billions of year. Stop treating me as if I'm fragile."
More quietly, he added: "I need you, Spock. I long for you, for the love and tenderness between us. I want to be with you."
Jim let his hands tenderly slide along Spock's body. "Let us make love, please."
"Jim." Spock jerked back as the tender stroking of his lover instantly had an effect on a certain part of his anatomy. "I would also like to be with you in this manner, but do you really think that it would be good for the baby?"
Jim smiled seductively. "Spock, my love, I think we know a lot of positions that will bring us both satisfaction, but won't injure the baby. Come on, don't let me wait."
Some weeks later.
"Bones, I can't stand it any longer." Jim Kirk groaned, while the doctor held his scanner over Jim's now very extended abdomen.
"I feel fat and ugly. I can hardly move. Everything is hard for me to do. Every part of my body hurts. I can't sleep at night, because the baby is kicking. I can't concentrate on anything during the day when it doesn't move because I'm afraid that something could be wrong with the baby. If this nightmare isn't over soon, I'll go crazy."
McCoy threw an imploring look at Spock, who lifted his head from the monitor and responded by arching his eyebrow.
After almost nine months, the good doctor couldn't stand to hear Jim's continuous complaints any more. Even the Vulcan seemed to be at the end of his patience.
McCoy had the suspicion that under his motionless face bubbled a volcano, which was about to explode. They say, Mc Coy thought, that becoming a father isn't difficult, but being one is. Becoming a father is certainly difficult for a Vulcan, too; especially if that Vulcan is bonded to Jim Kirk.
"It'll soon be over, Jim." McCoy tried to calm down the captain. "Two weeks, then you'll both have a sweet little vulcan-human baby in your arms."
The doctor looked again on Spock. "When will we get to Centauri?"
"In 12 hours, 15 minutes, 34 seconds and... "
"Spare me the hundredths and thousandths, Spock." McCoy rolled his eyes briefly and groaned internally as he asked himself which characteristics the child probably would inherit from each of its two fathers. Help, I may have created a monster!
"Bones, do you really think it's a good idea to have this child there in the isolation of Centauri? If something happens..."
Jim thought briefly of the small cabin, which was his quiet, private vacation refuge when he wanted to escape all the stress that the life of a starship captain brought with it. He and Spock had decided that the cabin was the
place where he would give birth to the child, but now he wasn't so sure that it was such a good idea.
McCoy said, "I personally ensured that the most modern medical instruments are there. There's nothing more that I could offer you here. And it was your decision to be as far from the ship as possible when the baby comes. If you want, we can stay here."
Kirk groaned. " No, for God's sake, no."
"Spock, hurry up." Jim waited impatiently on the transporter platform and watched Spock operate the controls. "I want to go down and get this whole damn experience behind me."
The Vulcan lifted only one brow but said nothing while he made the last adjustments. He was about to activate the transporter and join Kirk and McCoy on the platform, when suddenly the door to the transporter room slid open.
"Now what?" Jim groaned internally and heaved himself from the platform again as Uhura and Chapel entered. "What's wrong now?" He did not ask in a friendly manner.
The communications-officer and the nurse looked uncomfortable. Jim could have sworn that Nyota coloured red in spite of her dark complexion while Christine showed an unhealthily pale face.
For one moment there was an embarrassing silence in the room. "Er ... Captain," Uhura said, "we only wanted to wish you and Mr. Spock all the best, in the name of the whole crew, of course, and ... er ... give you
this small present."
They all knew all about it! Jim thought suddenly as he accepted the package. He did not know what he should say now.
He had never asked what excuse Bones had used for his growing size. But obviously it hadn't been good enough.
"Perhaps you could open ...?" Uhura asked shyly.
Slowly, Jim opened the package and extracted two sets of baby-clothes, one in blue and one in pink.
"We did not know," Chapel explained while she shifted uncomfortably, "which colour you would need."
Aha, Bones didn't told her about the gender either Jim thought and then remembered. Of course not. I have forbidden him to talk about the pregnancy to anybody. And he made sure that Chapel wasn't near sickbay when I had my examinations.
"Perhaps you will need both." Uhura smiled at him.
For Gods sake, no! He didn't want twins! No, that was impossible. Bones would not hide that from me? Or would he? Right now, he really thought McCoy capable of doing anything to him. Bones seemed to enjoy the whole situation much too much for Jim's comfort.
But Spock would have noticed that when he reviewed the data during my examination. Or had McCoy also manipulated that? Perhaps Spock did know and didn't tell him? Perhaps Spock was too much involved in this, and Jim really couldn't trust him.
I can't stand it any longer. Jim groaned silently, but out loud he said, "Thanks. My thanks to all of the crew."
Two weeks later in a cabin on Centauri.
Jim Kirk woke up in the middle of the night when he felt sudden violent pain. After only a moment he realized from where the pain was coming. Yes, it was his unbelievably thick abdomen where he felt it.
But it was not the gentle kicking of the baby that had often woken him up during the last few nights. It was different, more painful, and somehow there was a steady pulling in his back, too.
It was... Oh, my God, it's coming now!
Jim turned clumsily on his other side. Spock was sleeping soundlessly. Jim nudged him gently.
"Spock, love, wake up!" But instead the Vulcan moved nearer to him and put his arm around Jim.
Jim now became more energetic and louder. "Spock, I think it's beginning."
And in his mind, he added >T'hy'la, I having pains. I believe that I'm in labour. Please wake up.<
Suddenly the Vulcan was wide-awake and sat upright in the bed.
Jim almost fell out of bed due to this violent movement, but he held on to Spock, breathing heavily.
Spock looked anxiously at Jim. "Jim, is it...? Is it starting?" He sounded very, very concerned.
"I believe it is, Spock." Jim struggled to breathe calmly, but his heart was racing and the pain seemed to tear him in pieces. He had the feeling that he would be torn in half at any moment.
"I'll go for the doctor." With record-speed Spock jumped out the bed and stormed out the door, forgetting completely that he had slept naked.
Despite his pain, Jim couldn't resist a wide grin.
"It's okay so far." McCoy didn't need to look at his mediscanner. Jim's pain-distorted face said it all. His captain and friend, who bravely faced whole hordes of Klingons, now looked very miserable.
Bones suddenly remembered a statement that his mother had once made when he
was still a child.
*If the men had to bear the children, mankind would already have become extinct.* There is some truth there, particularly if Jim Kirk was the prime example of a man having to bear the children.
McCoy looked at Spock, who was now dressed. "Can you carry Jim into the labour room?" The Vulcan nodded.
"Bones, don't call it that." Jim groaned at the thought of the adjoining room that McCoy had equipped with medical instruments as Spock took Jim in his arms. "It sounds like a torture-chamber."
"Spock, don't stand in my way." Leonard McCoy could not completely hide the excitement in his voice. He didn't bring a child into the world every day and especially not one that had been carried by a man.
Spock fulfilled all the clichés of an excited expectant father as he paced nervously through the room.
"Stop pacing and make yourself useful by wiping the sweat from Jim's face or holding his hands."
He gave a wet face-cloth to Spock. The Vulcan stepped obediently to Jim's side.
"Aah...! Ooh ...!" Jim groaned aloud, turned his head to the right and left side and pressed his hands desperately on his belly. "I can't stand it any more!"
Spock took his hands and stroked them gently. Dark eyes looked with concern at Jim's face, which had turned red and then unhealthily pale. Jim seemed to perceive nothing around him.
"It won't last much longer, Jim " McCoy stated calmly. "You'll make it soon. Do you want to be fully sedated or only a local anaesthetic for the caesarean?"
"Local only," Jim brought out between clenched teeth. "After these nine horrible months, I don't want to miss the best part of it all."
A new pain vibrated through Jim's body. Spock pressed his hands soothingly
and then wiped the sweat off Jim's face.
Jim groaned. "And when this is all over and I can move again normally, I will
kill you both."
The pain became unbearable. Jim cried out.
"Aaaaah!!!" Captain James Tiberius Kirk woke up his whole body covered with sweat.
Where was he and what was this terrible nightmare? He felt heat and an oppressing pressure.
Jim breathed a few times deeply and the memories returned slowly. He was in Spock's cabin, which explained the warmth and the higher gravity. He was in the bed of his bondmate and it was obviously still in the middle of the night.
Jim shook his head with amusement as he remembered his odd dream. He had been pregnant with Spock's child. That was really crazy. How had his subconscious? come up with such a crazy idea?
Jim's thoughts slid back to the discussion that he and Spock had that evening. They had indeed talked about the topic of having children, and about how they could be conceived and their own wishes regarding a family.
But they had agreed that their love for each other and their life on the Enterprise with all their friends was enough family for now. And should they really want to have a child sometime in the distant future they agreed that adoption was an acceptable solution.
Really amusing, what the dream made out of this. Jim couldn't believe it quite yet. However, the idea of himself with a thick baby-bulge as the result of one of McCoy's experiments caused him to almost laugh out loud.
Jim wanted to straighten up in order to look at the chronometer to see the time, but something heavy and oppressing on his abdomen prevented him from it.
My stomach! Jim looked for one moment and the dream came back with frightening clarity. He looked down at his body and then smiled when he determined what was making his stomach feel heavy.
Spock was sleeping with his head on Jim's stomach, his arms tightly wrapped around the hips of his bondmate.
Jim's smile became brighter as he remembered *what* they had done and why Spock had been so exhausted that he fell instantly asleep. No wonder Jim had dreamed about a thick abdomen when Spock was asleep resting on Jim's stomach. The Vulcan was far from light.
Three times in a row. That even knocked Spock out.
Gently, he pulled on the shoulders of his mate. A sleepy "Hmm?" answered him.
"Love, please come up. You're too heavy to sleep on my belly."
"Hm." Slowly, Spock shifted so he lay beside with Jim. Strong arms closed instantly over the chest of his bondmate.
Jim snuggled himself into the delightful embrace. "Do you know what I dreamed because you were so heavy on my stomach and we talked a while ago about a family? Something really odd. I was pregnant with a child from you."
"Wha- ?" Spock, still half-asleep, didn't believe his ears.
"It was such an odd experiment from Bones. Something with a female egg and our combined genes in it. And I had to carry the child. Really crazy, isn't
Jim grinned broadly. He found his dream really weird now.
The grin on the face of the captain died abruptly, however, when he heard what Spock murmured, apparently in seriousness.
"A fascinating idea."
continued in Jimborella