title: Love is only a feeling
author: Lady Charena
fandom: Kung Fu – the legend continues
codes: P/P, KCC/m, NC-17
sum: A visitor from a not so far ago past threatens to shatter Peter’s world… (setting during third season)
Disclaimer: This story’s mine, but I do not intend to touch the rights of the owner of the characters from KF-TLC I’ve used. No moneymaking, no offence meant. Lucas Farris is my own creation.
Love is only a feeling (Aug./Sept. 2004)
Love is only a feeling
When I'm in your arms I start believing
It's here to stay
But love is only a feeling
I listen to the soft noise of shoes, the low whisper of clothes as he moves towards me. Even without audible indication, I would have known that Peter is here.
During the last two hours I have constantly felt his thoughts drifting towards me, his ch’i enveloping my being and giving a promise of his arms, doing the same soon. I could not suppress a smile at his barely concealed eagerness to be with me.
When I lifted my eyes, I met the quizzical gaze of the elderly man I had been talking to when Peter dissuaded me from listening to his words. Obviously, he had called my name several times without receiving my attention. I schooled my face back into a strict professional expression and returned to examine his aching shoulder. He left some minutes later with a salve and many thanks, but also with an inferior impression of my ability to concentrate, I fear…
Whenever Peter is near me, I feel an abundance of energy surrounding me, leaving me breathless for a moment and speeds up the rate of my heartbeat. After all – as I tell Peter repeatedly – I am but a man.
It is late and there will be no more patients to tend today. I close the lid of a vial with an herb extract I recently used and step away from my workbench to stand next to the French doors as Peter enters the main room. I do not turn to him but watch the nightly sky instead. The glass is cool beneath my palms and I see the reflection of my son, slightly obscured by the flickering light of the candles, as he approaches me.
Peter hesitates and I sense his immediate worry to intrude. Will he always fear rejection? Even now? How will I ever be able to heal those wounds… With an inaudible sigh, I shake my head and feel his relief even before I turn to face him. His living eyes lit up with a smile that threatens to be my undoing one day. Peter makes no move to touch me, but both our ch’i reach out for each other to merge and I absorb his feelings like a hungry man would feast on a meal.
“Anything interesting out there?” Peter asks with a sly smile.
“It will soon start to rain...” I answer, not able to resist the opportunity to tease him. For a second I see disappointment in his face – and add: “...but I find that you are the only thing I am interested in right now, my love.”
His soft gasp tells me I pleasured him with my words. Sometimes so little is needed to make my son happy and I am willing to give him far more.
Peter’s lips curve into a joyful smile and a moment later, I close my eyes as his arms envelope me in a fierce embrace. As his lips close over mine, I feel myself relax. A small fire starts inside, fuelling my passion. I fear my hunger for my beautiful boy will never be sated…
I let him press me up to the cool glass and allow his hands to slip beneath the silken shirt I wear. My skin trembles and burns where he touches me and I am not able to stifle a low moan as he brushes my nipples with the pads of his thumbs. A shiver runs down my spine. I slide my fingers into his hair, pulling his face closer to mine and deepen the kiss, luring his tongue into my mouth.
In this very moment, I sense a stranger approaching us.
I extract myself from Peter’s arms and lips in a fluid movement and stifle his murmur of protest with a finger across his mouth. “We are not alone, Peter,” I whisper into his ear. His eyes lose their softness, I see my lover almost instantly change into the cop. Without looking at him I know he is reaching for his weapon, and I still his hand with my own. “This will not be necessary,” I say. “There is no danger… I only sense curiosity. And… purpose.”
“Purpose?” Peter repeats, shaking my fingers off. “Let me go and look, Pop. Maybe…”
“No, Peter. We wait. He will be here soon.”
“He? And just ‘how’ soon?” Peter whispers with a wicked smile. He puts an arm around my waist to pull me close to him. I shake my head in amused disapproval and he let go of me with a dramatically sigh. A kiss devours my ear. “I really hope this won’t take long, Pop, ‘cause I not in the mood for company tonight” he says sultrily and bites my lobe quite painfully. “And I’m getting randier by the minute…”
I cannot help myself but laugh. A soft knock at the door prevents an answer and I turn to face our unexpected visitor. Beside me, I feel Peter tense, wariness is now radiating from his body, and I lay a hand onto his arm, squeezing slightly to reassure him.
A figure moves out of the shadows into the candle-lit apartment and a once familiar scent assaults my senses even before my eyes confirm that I indeed know our visitor. Lucas… I let go of Peter’s arm and move instinctively in front of him, not sure about my motive… to shelter my Peter from a truth I thought he would never learn – or to protect the young man in the doorframe from my sometimes too uncontrolled son?
For seconds I close my eyes, reminding myself that Peter knows nothing about Lucas and my prior relationship with him. I take a deep breath and centre myself, opening my eyes.
Lucas gaze is at my son and Peter eyes him also. I feel tension rising in the odd silence that stretches between us. Peter moves to stand even closer to me, sensing my sudden anxiety, his fingers dig into my shoulder, as if to physically remind me of his presence. I take a closer reign of my feelings, now pretend a calmness I usually maintain without effort.
My breath catches as I notice how Lucas resembles to Peter. He is four years older than Peter, but looks younger than his age - as does my son. They could be brothers, similar in height and built, both with brown hair and warm eyes. Where Lucas’ hair is smooth, Peter’s falls into unruly curls, but the shade is almost the same. However, there is more… a striking resemblance deeper than skin and flesh. I blink to banish it.
I cannot see Peter’s face without turning, but I know I would find a mixed expression of curiosity and tension on it, because those feelings radiate strongly from him.
“Caine.” Lucas’ voice holds just the slightest hint of a question. “It wasn’t easy to find you, I guess I was wrong thinking the world is small.” His eyes took a glance around. “Rather romantic lodgings. No wonder you enjoyed living in the summer-house more than in the villa.” His eyes return to Peter. “But I can see your taste in… other things… is still the same. Aren’t you going to introduce me?”
“Lucas,” I state flatly and refuse to answer to his baiting.
“Yeah, won’t you introduce us, P… Dad?”
I can hear Peter’s frown even in his words, but I do not know what to say. Two almost identical pairs of quizzical, brown eyes are directed to me, demanding answers I cannot give.
“Dad?” Lucas repeats, his eyes narrowing slightly. “But didn’t you tell me your son…”
“Peter – this is Lucas Farris,” I interrupt before he can say more – probably too much. “A… friend… from my wandering years. Lucas – this is my son Peter. As you can see I have been told the untruth about his death.”
“Where did you meet my dad? And when?”
Naturally, Peter’s curiosity gets the better of him, but still he refuses to release me. I reach for his hand and gently pry his fingers loose. I turn and touch his cheek. “Peter, please leave us now. I will talk to you later.”
The hurt of another rejection shines for seconds in his eyes. “Leave? You want me to go?” His gaze travels to Lucas than returns to me. He sighs and his shoulders sag slightly. “Yeah, of course. You two have to catch up quite a lot, I guess. Maybe… I find some of the gang at Chandler’s or... or I simply call it an early night and go to bed.”
“Please excuse us for a moment, Lucas. I need to talk to my son in private.” My eyes never leave Peter’s face. He is obviously confused and I take his arm to guide him into the kitchen.
Peter props himself against the sink and looks at me. For once, he is patiently waiting – but for an explanation, I cannot give. Not yet.
It is not in his nature to be silent at length. “Okay, what’s wrong?” he finally asks, running his fingers through his hair.
“Nothing is ‘wrong’, Peter,” I gently answer.
“Oh yeah,” he mimics Kermit’s usual replay. “That’s why you almost jumped when this Farris-guy showed up. What’s between the two of you? Why did he seek you?”
“This is not the right moment, Peter. I… will talk to Lucas and afterwards come to your apartment. Will you wait for me?” I outline his mouth with my thumb and feel his lips relax in a smile. “Maybe you… take a nap to… keep up your… strength.”
His smile deepens into a lazy grin. “Sure… but don’t let me wait too long, Pop.”
His eyes tell me more than words about his confusion. I nod and bend forwards to capture his lips in a sweet, short kiss full of promises. “Trust me, love” I whisper in his mouth.
There is a tingling sensation at my neck and I release Peter to turn – half expecting to find Lucas watching us. No one is there.
* * *
I watch Peter leave, his reluctance and curiosity soothed by my promise. I find that I wish my troubled mind could be as easily put to rest…
Lucas is not in the main room where I left him. Closing my eyes for a moment, I try to locate him and feel him at the balcony. His back turned towards me, he touches a delicate flower at one of the plants, his eyes upon the city down below.
“Lucas.” His name tastes strange on my lips – almost as if there had never been a time I was used to say it.
He does not respond immediately, but removes his hand from the flower. Finally, he turns to face me. “Is he really your son?”
I did not expect him to say such a thing and for a moment, I am not prepared to answer. I restrict myself to a short nod.
Lucas smiles. “Silent as ever,” he teases as he closes the distance between us.
I avert my face as he bends forward to kiss me, so his lips brush only my cheek – but still my skin feels like burned. I wonder how I could have forgotten Lucas. Or at least pretended to have to…
“The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand “
…sitting in lotus on the edge of the swimming pool, I watch Lucas enjoying the cool water. It is a hot day and he tried to lure me into with him but I refused. Later he leaves the pool to sprawl on a towel next to me. With a wicked smile, he prompts me to rub his back with sun oil. I revel in the feel of his smooth, golden skin, muscles moving beneath my palms in respond to my touch… With a grin Lucas turns, his hands close around my face and he pulls me down for a lingering kiss, offering his naked body in a silent invitation…
…later Lucas vouches for a shower and I join him without hesitation, eager to wash both the sun oil and the traces of our lovemaking from my body. Lucas joins me under the stream of water, his hands full of soap, his mind filled with mischief. I allow him to wash me, but before I can repeat the favour, he is on his knees in front of my and his lips close around my manhood…
…warm and wet he is irresistible. No one else I ever knew smells like him, tastes like him. I eat him alive from mouth to knees and back. Soon he is swaying, almost dizzy with arousal, his penis hard and hot against my cheek. I reach again for him, to feel him come on my tongue, but Lucas has obviously other ideas.
A lush groan and he shoves me away, stepping out of my reach. “You’ve had lunch already. Come on and do me properly. I’m squeaky clean.” He takes my wrists and I let him haul me to my feet. “And I feel like the de-luxe-treatment…”With that he turns away, tilting his hips, giving me a glance over his shoulder, heavy-lidded. „Or have you got other plans?”
Only four days since I first tasted his mouth, touched his body, but there is not one inch of him I do not know by sight, feel, and taste. He can drive me into what writers understate as a frenzy of lust with a gesture or a look. I never experienced anything similar in my life. It scares me inanely but I feel powerless to resist him…
…Lucas winds both arms around my neck and pulls me down. I give him my lips to ravage and he bucks his slim hips against me to rub us together. He arches his back, waiting impatiently for me to attend to his nipples. I already know what he likes. I suckle first, then bit down on them as they harden to little brown pebbles in my mouth and hear Lucas moan. I recognize every sound he makes…
…his manhood slides in snugly besides mine, slick with pre-cum and loving it, eating each other alive. I feel feverish when Lucas sinks his fingers into my forearms, stopping me so he can hook his legs over my shoulders and have what he really wants. I hold myself on knees and palms, look down into big, hazel eyes that are luminous in the lamplight. Cool fluid trickles onto me and I shiver. Lucas’ fingers brush my manhood as he reaches down to make himself ready and I moan. He bends his head to kiss me – and then I am in him, deep in him, cocooned in the hot, moist velvet insides of him. Lucas’ hands are on my back, pulling me still closer as if he cannot get enough of me – until I lose rhythm and control and erupt inside of him. I feel him pumping his own member, few quick hard strokes he needed as I started to come…
“A little touchy, aren’t you?” he says with a wary smile. “Seems you’re not exactly brimming over with joy seeing me again.”
“Why did you seek me out, Lucas?” I fold my hands at my waist and manage to meet his eyes levelly, putting the memories back into the darkest recesses of my mind where they belong.
He shrugs. “You left rather abruptly.”
“I told you why I had to go.” I quell a surge of bitterness that suddenly threads to rise. “If this is all, I would rather prefer you to leave me now, Lucas. Whatever we shared – or believed to share - is in the past.”
“Well…” Lucas closes his eyes for a moment. “Maybe I deserve this. But you need to know… I couldn’t forget you.”
He looks at me, obviously waiting for an answer - but I find that I am unable to read his eyes. With another shrug, he turns and passes me by. I watch his retreating back until I can see him no longer. I fear it is not over… I know Lucas. He will return.
For now, I must prepare me to meet my Peter.