Like the sun 1/1

Author: Lady Charena <LadyCharena@aol.com>

Series: TOS

Part: NEW 1/1

Rating: NC-17

Codes: (m/m non-con, angst), K/S, first time

Feedback: I'd like feedback very much. Please mail me at <LadyCharena@aol.com>

Summary: Kirk has very disturbing dreams after the mission on Exo III. His dreams continue to show him another version of the events.

Note: Set in the original series, shortly after the episode "What are little girls made of?"

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to play with the Boys. My story is fanfiction only - no moneymaking or offence of copyrights intended.

If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex - sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient with any errors - English is not my native language. My thanks to T'Len for beta. And my deepest gratitude to T'Boy, who did really a great job to correct my mistakes. If there are any left, blame me.

Like the sun

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by Lady Charena

Aug/Sept. 2000

...hands, stronger than humans, gripped him harder, as he struggled to free himself. But only for a moment, then let go again. There was no actual need to hold him. The cruel bonds securing his wrists cut deeper with every movement into the already bleeding skin, but he ignored it - like the pain. Taking a deep breath, he jerked again at the bondage.

But this time a heavy, open-handed blow landed on his left cheek, thrashing his head violently to the right side. Just a little harder and surely his neck would have broken... He could hear a ringing in his ears, dark spots danced in his vision, and he felt awful sick. Slowly blood trickled from the corner of his mouth, to pool onto the table beneath his body.

After a while, he stopped his fruitless struggle, running out of air. What little strength was left, he needed to breath. And to think. Think hard! Damn, his whole body hurt like hell. The hard slap had left him dizzy and nauseous. And scared shitless. Nevertheless, he tried again to lift his head. It seemed nearly impossible, like trying to lift a weight far too heavy for him. The lights in the underground cave stung his tired eyes and he closed them. He tasted his own blood on his tongue, his bitten lips. The steady flow of cold air, passing over his defenceless, naked body caused him to shiver violently.

After he had gathered some strength, he tested anew the bonds - but they only cut increasingly deeper into his wrists and ankles. He was bound spread-angled onto a table in one of those laboratories, deep under the surface of Exo III, turned onto his belly, naked, helpless.

He could hear the soft breathing of the other - only one or two steps away. However, he couldn't see him, as hard as he tried he only got a flicker of him. A gush of cold water slapped suddenly in his face and he gasped.

"I had to know if you are awake," said the familiar voice.

"Free me at once," still he could demand it, nevertheless hating the weak sound of his words. He would not beg!!

The only answer was a short, mirthless laughter from his captor. Then his touch - again. At first it had been a wondrous touching, a search for similarities and differences between the both of them. Now he knew better...

He flinched, as a single finger dove into the crevice between his buttocks, pressing against the tender orifice. Instinctively he tensed the muscles of his back, but there was not really anything to do to prevent it. He knew that much. Too soon the protective ring of muscles yielded and the finger plunged deep into his ass. Without any kind of lube, it hurt like hell and he bit back a moan of pain.

"You are not enjoying this, Captain?" the cold voice asked.

"Go to hell, dirty bastard."

Mirthless laughter answered him. "We will see." A second finger plunged into him, stretching the tight opening wider. "I have studied the tapes about human physiology very thoroughly. It will be easier for you, if you try to relax..." mocking him still. A third finger plunged into him and this time he moaned.

"Stop this," he demanded through clenched teeth. "Now."

No answer but a speeding up of the finger-fucking. He bit into his lower lip, drawing blood - as it suddenly stopped. However, there was not much time for relaxation. A hard cock, pressing mercilessly into him..., replaced the fingers. Only his painful breathing and the sound of flesh slapping on flesh filled the silence of the room.

At last it was over. He left him with a gush of fluid.

"Look at me," demanded the other, stepping in front of him. "Look at me."

He refused to do so, but his captor gripped his hair and jerked his head back. He looked into his own grinning face. And opened his mouth to scream...

* * *

Biting back that scream, Jim Kirk woke from the vivid dream. After some time his heavy breathing slowed, his heartbeat decelerated to a normal pulse, his sweat dried. The third disturbing nightmare in just as many nights. Ever since they left the orbit around Exo III.

He got up and poured himself a drink, ignoring his slightly shaking hands. His throat felt raw, as he took the first gulp. He had to do something about these dreams. Absently rubbing at his forehead, to soothe away the beginning headache, he sat in the next chair. He was at a total loss to explain the cause for these nightmares. Nothing had happened between him and the android-duplicate, which could account for this...

He leaned back and wished suddenly, Spock were here to scare away the last shreds of the dream with his soft voice and his calm logic. What a stupid thought! Spock was the last person aboard; he could speak of this. How should he explain this nightmare of being raped by the android to his first officer, his friend... his beloved. No, never! He was in love with the Vulcan since the day they met, but Spock was his friend - and nothing more. Even so, there was no way to talk with him.

* * *

The third nearly sleepless night in just as many nights had left traces. The next day Spock watched the human entering the mess, just in time to join him for breakfast.

"Good morning, Captain."

Kirk smiled, but this couldn't hide the tightness around his eyes - or the dark shadows beneath. "Morning, Spock."

The human placed his cup of hot coffee onto the table. As Spock looked pointedly over the meagre breakfast, Kirk shrugged. "I guess I'm not overly hungry this morning."

"Is everything all right, Jim?" The soft voice held exactly the right measure of sorrow to force an answer from the human.

"I'm fine, Spock. Nothing to worry about." He flinched inside, as he lied so bluntly to his best friend. Nevertheless, Spock seemed to accept the answer and after a moment of awkward silence, they talked about ship's business.

* * *

Two days later they met for their regular game of chess in the evening. After the human lost the second game in row, he called a break. Spock leaned back into the chair, accepting the glass of fruit juice.

"Jim, your thoughts are obviously not with our game. Maybe we should postpone this to another evening," he said, watching the human taking another gulp of his second Brandy tonight.

"I fear, you're right. It was a long day."

However, the Vulcan was determined not to give up so easily again this time. "Something bothers you, Jim. Ever since we left Exo III." He knew his remark had hit home as the human flinched visibly. "What happened on the planet?"

Jim got up, turning away. "Nothing you don't know - or isn't in the Log," he said.

Spock watched the rising tension, showed in the set of the broad shoulders. He went to the human, touching his arm for emphasis. "Jim, we are friends. There is nothing you could not tell me about."

Something in the gentle voice made him turn around, facing the Vulcan. Dark eyes met his with silent worry.

Jim hesitantly touched the so treacherous thin shoulder. "You're right, Spock. It is nothing."

Suddenly he wanted desperately to talk - wanted to tell *him* about the dreams. "It should be nothing," he insisted.

After a last, friendly squeeze of Spock's shoulder, he went back to the table, pouring another drink.

Staring into the depths of his glass, he continued with his *confession*. "Every night since we left Exo III, I've dreamt." He shrugged. "I'm a little overtired, that's all."

"May I inquire about the contents of these dreams?"

Maybe it was the amount of Brandy, maybe it was Spock's soothing presence, maybe it was the lateness of the hour, but he answered. "I dreamt about something that never happened to me in reality."

"And you find this *something* this disturbing?" Jim laughed - but it was a short, mirthless laughter. "You can say that," he said ironically.

He looked up and found the Vulcan's eyes on him. Dark pools he could easily fall into... He heard Spocks voice like from a distance, like in a dream.

"Tell me, Jim," he lured gently.

And so the human did.

* * *

The Vulcan broke the heavy silence after Kirk stopped. He watched the more relaxed human, leaning now against the mesh divider.

"And did your duplicate assault you in this manner, Jim?" he asked tensely. Dealing with anger, sizzling deep in his stomach - without knowing what brought it on.

Jim looked at him. "No, of course not. I'm at a total loss to explain it." He played nervously with the empty glass, relief mingled with regret and embarrassment evident in his face. "Maybe we should quit it for now, Spock. It's late..."

But the Vulcan cut in, his voice hoarse. "If it has no base in reality, why does it disturb you in that manner?"

"Spock, you're not serious, are you? I dreamt of being raped by somebody, who looked exactly like I do..." He fell silent, seeing the sudden desire in the Vulcan's face. "Sp... Spock?

The Vulcan came to him. "Spock, what's wrong?"

He stopped only a short distance away, near enough for the human to feel the heat radiating from the slim figure. "You did not tell me all he did to you, Jim, did you? How did the android touch your skin in your dream?"

Kirk gasped surprised. "Spock, that's..."

The Vulcan seemed not to hear - or he did and ignored it. Hot fingers touched Jim's chin, tipping up his face. Spock's eyes were nearly black, his pupils dilated.

"Did he... kiss you?"

Thin lips passed lightly over his, leaving him breathless.

"Or did he... this?"

Sharp teeth grated down his throat, causing him to shiver. The glass slipped from his fingers.

"Spock..."

The only answer he got, was a not-so-soft bite into the tender skin over his running pulse. The tip of a hot tongue worried over the reddish spot left, then travelled deeper. The collar of his shirt got in it's way, but was discarded in the next moment.

Jim gazed at the Vulcan, who had divested him so easily from his clothes. "Spock, please," he whispered. "Don't do..."

Steely hands around his waist and expert lips closing around his erect nipple - and he lost the thought, lost the protesting words. He lost everything except the hard sucking of Spock's mouth. Gasping he grabbed Spock's shoulders, to steady himself, to hold the Vulcan near to him.

The sweet torture went on and on. As Spock licked over his stomach, pushing his pants down in one swift motion, Kirk closed his eyes. As Spock's lips tasted his hard cock, he nearly came. But a swift pressure against the base of his penis stopped orgasm. He moaned - both disappointed and in protest.

"No, not yet. You will not achieve release that easily," Spock mumbled against the cool, satin shaft.

"Tell me, Jim. Did he... love you like this?"

And with this he took the organ into his mouth. His hands slid down to the lush buttocks. He grabbed them hard, to drive the cock still deeper in. A strangled cry was ripped from Jim, as the hot mouth swallowed him wholly.

The helpless cry, the fierceness of the fingers, digging into his shoulders, only ignited the Vulcan more. He had never learned jealousy before he met this human. He had never felt such anger, such possessiveness.

There was a low voice in his mind, speaking of logic - how could one be jealous of a man, who only existed in the dreams of another man? But it was silenced, as the human's head lolled against the mesh divider, Kirk screaming his release, as he shot his seed down the throat of the thirsty Vulcan.

* * *

He gazed, breathless - and with weak knees - at the Vulcan, holding him steady, licking every trace of seed from the spent organ.

Spock came to his feet, pulling his pants up as he did so. Kirk stared dazzled at the thin lips, slightly swollen and smeared with cum. And then they kissed for the first time - and Jim could taste himself in the sweet, hot mouth.

"What... what brought this on?" he asked breathlessly, as Spock released him.

Some daze seemed to clear out of the Vulcan's eyes. Loosening his grip around Jim's waist, he stepped back.

"I... Jim, please forgive me. This was not intended."

The human smiled, but confusion shone in his eyes. "I thought that much. Spock, look I..."

But the Vulcan cut in. "You are like Vulcan's sun, giving life as easily as destruction. You tormented me with your sweet smiles and casual touches, which meant nothing to you, but the world for me. I have never felt this intensity before. The desire to be with you in every possible way. Anger about your ignorance. And... jealousy. Every time I saw you smiling to another..." Spock stopped, seeing the human's smile.

"You were jealous?" Jim asked. "Spock, correct me if I jump to conclusions... but did you just say, you're in love me?"

The Vulcan closed his eyes. "Yes, Jim," he answered softly; the anger vanished. "I do - I am." He found himself smothered in a joyous hug.

"You'll never know, how long I've waited to hear this," Jim whispered into one delicately pointed ear. "I feel in love with you the very first day we met. But you never showed any interest in being more than just my friend."

He tipped Spocks head up, to look into the dark eyes. "Your friendship is very precious to me. I dared not risk it. So I kept to myself, how I really felt about you."

A human-cool mouth brushed his and Spock shivered. "It was the same for me," he answered. "I dared not to offend you with a proposition."

He watched the fire rising again in hazel eyes. "So, what shall we do now with our mutual confession, first officer?" Spock allowed a small smile to play around his lips.

"Captain, I suggest we carry on with the task at hand..."

Jim's hand brushed his groin and his words ended in a gasp. "I see, what you mean..." Kirk whispered.

* * *

Spock backed him up against the mesh divider for the second time tonight. But this time his arms slid around the Vulcan's waist, crushing their bodies together - as their lips met. Spock moaned into his open mouth and Jim decided, that he liked this sound very much.

They parted for a moment, to shed their clothes, leaving them as an untidy heap on the floor.

Jim had to come up for air, bestowing little kisses onto Spock's face, he whispered "Wouldn't this be more comfortable in my bed?"

But as the Vulcan went to his knees, once again engulfing his straining cock, he forgot his question. He slid his fingers through the silken midnight-coloured hair, played with the tips of the pointed ears - he dreamed of doing this for so long... But after a moment he stopped the Vulcan. Pleasurable as it would be to come in this hot mouth again, he had something different in mind for tonight...

He gazed into eyes, black with desire, as he pulled Spock to his feet. "Not yet. Wait for me." With this he released the Vulcan, to disappear into the bathroom.

Grabbing a tube of lubricant, he went back - but stopped short at the unexpected scene, displayed for his eyes. Spock leant against the mesh divider, head lolled back, slowly milking his erection.

For the first time since they started this, he took time to size up his lover fully. Drinking in the sight of the lean, muscled body, ready for him, before he covered the few steps between. Their eyes met.

"Look, what you did to me, Jim," the Vulcan whispered, thrusting into his own hand. "You made me aching for your touch."

This was more, than he ever dreamed of...

Shoving the Vulcan's hand aside, he coated the hot shaft with lube, caressing the double ridges with a fingertip - his eyes never leaving Spocks.

"I..." he closed his fingers around the slippery erection, loving the hoarse moan he tore from the Vulcan. "I want you inside me... now."

Without loosening his grip, he turned to face the mesh divider. He felt Spock's breath on his neck, as the hot body covered his backside.

"Be sure, Jim. I cannot... I fear losing control." Jim smiled, turning his head, so he could plant a kiss on Spock's cheek.

"I am sure. Don't let me wait."

Strong arms came around his waist, pushing him back against the hardness of his lover. He braced himself against the divider, as a single, wet finger probed at his anus. Heat spread through his body as it entered, to open him for Spock's pleasure.

He groaned with impatience, with disapproval, as the digit left him. But just for a moment, then the tip of Spock's erection pressed against the entrance to his body. The pain was there, as Spock entered him - but it wasn't the imagined burning, the hated anguish like his dreams. This pain was a pleasure... And he took it with greed, pushing back to impale himself more deeply.

* * *

At last the managed to get into the bed.

Limbs entangled, they settled into a comfortable embrace. Spock drew two fingers along his human's cheek.

"You have never done this before?" he asked suddenly.

Kirk shook his head. "Not exactly. I had fingers in, yes and I fucked a few men. I was never fond of being on the receiving end. Too scared, I guess." He snuggled yawning up to the Vulcan. "Did you?"

Spock hid a smile. "Yes, Jim. And now you have lost this fear?"

The human nodded. "Do we have to talk now, Spock? I'm tired... too little sleep the last nights, you know."

"Your dreams." Spock traced cool, lush lips. "Maybe you should talk to Dr. McCoy about them."

Jim shook his head sleepy, placing a light kiss on the tip of the Vulcan's finger. "We'll worry about it tomorrow. For tonight I don't expect to dream at all. For now I have my most secret dream in my arms..."

end

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....huh, time to come up for a little air, it's certainly too hot in my room.<g>

CU Lady Charena