Title:                Lost in the light 1/1




Author:             Lady Charena <LadyCharena@aol.com>

Series:              post-TOS, ST II

Part:                 NEW 1/1

Rating:             NC-17

Codes:              K/S

Feedback: I'd like feedback very much. Please mail me at <LadyCharena@aol.com>



Summary: Spock's death...

Note: Sequel to "Lost dreams", "Longing", "The call" and "Consummation". A change in time (memories) is again marked like this * // * //


Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to have some fun with the Boys. The story is mine and only fanfiction - no moneymaking or offence of copyrights intended.

If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex - sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient with any errors - English is not my native language.

My thanks to my betas T'Len and to T'Boy, who did as usual a great job to correct my mistakes. If there are any left, blame me.



Lost in the light 1/1


by Lady Charena



His mind called for the Vulcan, while he rushed to engineering. But Spock had closed the link, as he left the bridge. All Kirk *received*, was a white rush, filling his mind like a snowstorm.

His heart threatened to blast his chest, as he arrived.


He could feel Spock weaken, his shields buckling and partly breaking down. Freeing himself from McCoy and Scotty's grip, he pressed his body to the glass-wall parting them. *spock, don't leave me...*

He tried to voice the words, but he couldn't... Only his mind screamed in silent horror.


But Spock heard it anyway. Slowly he came to his feet, to him. Surrounding him with a gentle mental embrace, like he had in the past.

*I am sorry, jim... but it was logical...* Pain trickled through torn shields, nearly breaking his control to shield the human from it. He wished he could see Jim... This was ironic, to be blind for a second time in his life - but this time without the comfort of strong, cool arms, holding him until the night would end.




*hush, jim. I am here...*


Spock's mind brushed his again and memories flooded his consciousness. But not only *a* memory - it was *the* memory from the night of nights... their first lovemaking.


*  //  *  //  * //  *


There had been a certain attraction between the two of them - from the moment, they met. Something more than curiosity, more than simple desire.

Maybe love... but on this first night, neither of them dared to speak of love.


On the desk - which had functioned as dinner table - were the remains of a late dinner  they shared an hour ago.

Now they met over a chessboard - over a game, which couldn't take the main part of their attention. Tonight they played another kind of game...


Spock leant back in his chair, watching the human brooding over his response. He drank in the sight of his Captain.


And as Jim reached to move one of the figures, fingers closed around his hand. He lifted his head... and smiled. "Enough of chess, first officer?" he asked.


Spock nodded.


Jim got up, to stand beside the still sitting Vulcan. His hands on Spock's shoulders, he bent his head to capture thin lips with his own.


There was no hesitation, no false shyness in Spock's return - only the strange familiarity, they felt not for the first time. Heat seared through his shirt, where hot vulcan hands touched his chest. Sliding up over his arms, shoulders - to cup his face, as Spock deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue in a cool, willing mouth.


Jim pulled his head back.


"Doubts?" the Vulcan asked.


But the human shook his head. "Just a silly question - my quarters or yours?"


Spock's answer was to push him in the direction of Kirk's bed.

* * *

They learned each other with hands, mouths, tongues. Nibbling, stroking, touching, probing... till they both trembled with arousal.


With a swift movement, Spock flipped the human on his back, bending to cover the straining cock with his lips. Cool fingers slid through his hair, cupping his head. But after a moment, Spock freed himself from Kirk's grip to get up.


Jim opened his eyes and found himself alone on the rumpled bed. "But this... cannot be... I can't dream!" he whispered.


A movement at the door to their shared bathroom ... Spock was standing there - naked, aroused. He crossed the distance to the bed, a silver tube in his hand.


"You dreamt of me?" he asked, as he straddled the human.


Jim nodded, capturing thin lips for a demanding kiss. "I did," he whispered. "Many nights since the day we met first..."



There was this half-smile on Spock's face, only a slight arch of the corners of his mouth.


And the human knew, he was lost.


"You will never again dream alone, Jim." Spock's words followed a not-so-soft bite in his chin. "For now I claim your dreams." He gasped, as cool fingers closed around his hard penis, starting to milk him.


"Don't let me wait, then."


Spock's head lolled back, a moan came over his lips. But after a moment, he disengaged himself from the human's touch, pushing him flat on his back again.

Locking his eyes with Jim's, he opened the tube, squeezing some of its content on his palm. He started to spread the lube on his erection.


For a moment, there seemed to be defiance in the hazel eyes of the human, who was used to be the one in command... but then he turned.

The smile on Spock's lips deepened. He was sure, there were not many who could say, that the proud Captain of the Enterprise bent to their will...


Carefully he started to prepare Jim, pleased as the human soon groaned and pushed back against his touch. He stopped and bent his head, to nip at the soft flesh in Jim's neck, revelling in the slightly salty taste of his skin. His hands slid beneath the human, to play with hard nubs, till Jim arched against him, moaning, mumbling his protest.


The Vulcan pulled him to his hands and knees, centred his erection on the entrance to Jim's body and started to push in, while his hand reached for the human's cock.

* * *

Some time later, after the malfunction of the transporter, which parted the human into two persons, Spock touched Jim's mind for the first time.

Patiently he tried to teach Jim the vulcan way of touching more than mortal flesh. It was just a partial success. Most times, he was unable to achieve deeper levels of the meld. They thought, all it would have taken, was more time...


* //  * // * // * //


The sweet memory ended and Jim found himself once more pressed against a glass-wall. Slowly Spock's mind-touch vanished, leaving him alone...

He'd never felt this alone in his life before.

* * *

The years since Spock's pon farr had blurred into indistinct pictures, brushed aside from the passing time like leaves in an autumn storm.

After the end of their second five-year-mission, Jim was once more promoted to HQ and found himself behind a desk. But this time Spock was at his side and this made the difference. They shared their life - with one exception: they were not lovers anymore.


Spock accepted a posting at the Starfleet academy, to teach cadets and sometimes Jim even joined him for a training-trip. Like this one. Which had ended with so much pain and death. Spock's death.

* * *

He went through the days till their arrival on Earth like a marionette, not thinking, not feeling. He'd lost more than a former lover, a close friend - a mate... he seemed to have lost the better part of himself, a part of his soul.


As long as he did not think, not feel, he could function. Could bring the ship back to Earth. Could endure ever-lasting meetings and answer uncounted questions. So he existed... till Sarek came to him.

* * *

The passing years had changed nothing of the contempt of the older Vulcan. Sarek wouldn't forgive the betrayal of his son - even if Spock had...

The touch of his mind was cold, clinical - but couldn't hide everything. Jim shied back from him, but suddenly he shared the pain and the hopelessness of the Vulcan, the near desperation that Spock's Katra would be lost.

Sarek started to break the meld, until he felt a trace of his son's presence in Kirk's mind. He followed the nearly invisible, silver thread deeper in the human's unconsciousness, where it rooted. A remnant of a bond, never allowed to grow up, never acknowledged by the human. With Spock dead, it should be a lifeless thing, but it was not, connecting Kirk even now with Spock's Katra.

Which meant it was not lost...


He broke the meld, more gently than he had intended. Watched the disbelief in the human's eyes changing to hope, as he understood.


"Who, Kirk?"


They needed half an hour to discover, that it was McCoy...


                                                                       to be continued...



The last part coming up soon!

Its called "Say my name"


CU LadyCharena



Continued in                        Say my name