Almost Like The Day Before

Acidqueen < a.q @ gmx.de >

Series: TOS

Codes: K/Mc, m/m (Pike/Boyce)

Rating: R

Summary: Kirk and McCoy learn something unexpected about their predecessors onboard the Enterprise.

Author's Note: Written for the second round of the KirkMcCoyFest. The challenge was: "Kirk and McCoy meet another Star Trek couple who are in bed together and allow their own feelings to be revealed." I took a certain artistic freedom with it. This is a stand-alone story.

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek, I own my brain. No infringement is intended, and no money is being made.

Archive: KMF, my own website at http://www.syredronning.de , ASCEM, all others ask, please.

Acknowledgement: Thanks to JB and Farfalla for beta'ing! All remaining errors are mine.

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

I've wondered for a while why Spock had felt so obliged to Pike as to risk his - and partly even my – career, and did some research on Pike's…hmmm…private life. Usually, when the ship gets a new captain, all files of the old one are erased. But often, something is left somewhere, and so I set course to find it. I'm only A3, but Pike didn't rate much better.

And I found something unexpected. Really unexpected. It's only a voice recording, but it's _very_ private. Can't quite believe that he forgot something important like that…could've compromised his whole career in the 'Fleet.

It's Pike and Boyce on the recording. First they talk a bit, then there's the sound of clothes and more muffled voices...ending with very unequivocal sounds. A part of me can't quite believe it. Pike loved women - even had a reputation among his colleagues for having a fetish for Orions. And Boyce...I don't want to imagine Boyce in anyone's bed. He's thirty years older than Pike...it's weirder than if I went to bed with Bones...damn, where did that thought come from? Bones and I...no, not really. That's not his style. And not mine, either.

I better delete the recording, before someone else finds it.

== Personal Log, Dr. McCoy ==

I didn't have much to do with Dr. Boyce, the former CMO of the Enterprise. Not until that business with Spock abducting Pike and bringing him to the Talosians. I met Boyce by chance in a bar one evening during that court martial, and he was a bit drunk and a bit too friendly for my taste. And worst, he was too talkative and told me a teary story about Pike and him, about comforting each other when things got rough.

I wasn't at my best at that time and just dismissed what he said. Pike was as straight as they come, and Boyce…uhm, I don't want to imagine Boyce in bed with anyone.

But it kept nagging. I'm wondering if Jim...

No. He wouldn't. Not Jim. I mean, it's not as if he didn't have enough fun, even with his rule of not getting involved with anyone of his crew…see, Len, you just found the best reason for forgetting about this.

And besides, a doctor doesn't get involved with his patients. That's what I said to Boyce, too. It's unprofessional, and I'm a lot of things, but never unprofessional. Boyce mumbled something about male companionship, but I'm damn wary if it means going to bed with said companion.

Yes, damn wary.

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

I'm tired tonight. Stressed, too. And find that I can't talk to Spock like I did before his coup. It's not that I don't trust him anymore...well. Maybe I don't trust him as much as I did before. I've never had such a stunt pulled on me, and hopefully I'll never have again.

I've read Admiral Nelson's bio for a while, but my head's beginning to hurt. I could sleep, but somehow, I'm not that tired.

I've listened to the recording again, thinking about the two. Pike was a great captain with a good and loyal crew - and a very private man with a very tight reign on his feelings. It's very hard to see him relaxing with Boyce. What did he find there that he didn't get somewhere else?

Alright, there are moments where I feel like needing someone, but not like this...or I wouldn't hang around with Spock that much.

Hmmm, maybe I hang around with Spock because he's the safest person on board. A captain can't start something with a crew member. It just never works out.

But Pike made it work. I wonder how...

Now I'm really tired. Good night, universe.

== Personal Log, Dr. McCoy ==

Jim came in for a drink tonight, and I could tell from his face that he badly needed to talk. We sat for a while, the drinks only half-emptied...sometimes they're just a nice, manly excuse for sharing an evening.

I've known him for some years...and he's the only one who was ever allowed to use a nickname with me. He can be quite persistent...and maybe I was a bit flattered that he invented one for me, because he didn't do it for anyone else either...

Oh come on, Len, you're not one of the babes that drool over the Captain, are you? You've seen his body naked often enough, when patching him up. And it didn't do a thing for you. Granted, he's nicely build and well-trained, no matter his small tendency to chubbiness…

I feel like having a drink for real now. And why am I recording such a totally pointless entry? Should delete it.

Or not.

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

Will delete the recording, at last. Heaven knows why I had it for so long. Bones is hanging around with Barrows, and they make a nice pair. I'm really glad. Between Spock and me, things are going better again, too. Lost two games of chess last night, but felt like cheering nevertheless.

I think I'm envious. Of Bones, that is. For once, I feel a bit left out from his life. Funny, because I hadn't realized that I was in it in the first place.

This recording…somehow it changed my perception of him. I never looked at him from a…hmm…an erotic point of view. He's awfully slim, but agile, moving with a grace that isn't easily detected in his usual lax stance. He's spending lots of time in sickbay with research, almost as bad as Spock sometimes. But god help me if I told him to stop working overtime…

I'd like to have a drink with him tonight, but all I could reach lately was his automatic scheduler.

Maybe I should sign up for my quarterly. Would give him the creeps if I came without him raising heaven and hell…ah well, would serve him right.

== Personal Log, Dr. McCoy ==

I've always known that the Enterprise was just a short station for Tonia, and that she'd move along, but it hurts anyway. Didn't know the ship could feel so awfully empty.

Will take some time to adjust.

I met Jim in the mess today, and he looked almost bewildered when I sat down on his table. Guess I didn't spend enough time with him lately. Which was stupid. My life is just my life, but Jim's well-being influences everyone on board. Have to care more for him in the future…

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

I thought I'd lost him. He looked at me and didn't have a clue who I was. The Archons had done a thorough job with their brainwashing.

I shook him. I talked to him. A part of me wanted to slap him hard. Another wanted to kiss him.

He's alright now. He just can't remember what I said.

But I remember him...

Damn. I'm losing my grip on what's important. The ship, the crew. Every one of them. I would've felt like this for anyone.

No, I didn't. I was concerned when we beamed up Sulu, but I was…devastated when they brought Bones in. But I pushed it away, because mourning doesn't help and there's nothing like imminent danger to get my little grey cells working and my adrenaline flowing.

So that's the way Pike handled it…?

== Personal Log, Dr. McCoy ==

I sit here, unable to cope with my guilt. I know the full story about our little excursion into Earth's past, and…

Shit.

In essence, I killed Edith. Because I was too stupid to handle the hypo with the Cordazine in the first place.

Shit.

I wish I could do something for Jim…he's not well off either. But besides telling him to slap me hard and for a long time, there's not much we could do for each other right now, being stuck in the same guilt routine.

What would it do to us if we were lovers…?

Make it twice as worse, I bet.

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

I can't believe it - it happened again. I'm sick and tired of seeing Bones under some alien's control. I really wanted to shout at Sylvia to keep her hands and thoughts to herself - but instead, I kissed her, because I knew it was the way to get what I wanted.

I feel…dirty and…weird.

I can't comfort my best friend, if he's down, but I can have sex with an alien woman any time, just to reach my goals?

I should rethink my habits. And gender priorities.

== Personal Log, Dr. McCoy ==

I had to report it…and then I vanished into my cabin, not able to bear Spock's visible guilt and Jim's concern. I'd tried to push the Mirror Spock's action aside, but it didn't work out, and even a CMO has moments where he has to pull himself off the roster and to admit that he wasn't fully functional.

Like I wasn't today.

So I had too much time and retrieved some of Boyce's reports from the databanks. Didn't know what I was expecting to find, because of course there would be nothing in them. I concentrated on the reports from operation where he'd worked on Pike - which sounded like all else - and wondered if I'd be able to do it. First I thought no, but then...heck, how many months am I already thinking of Jim more than I should, feeling much more concerned than it's healthy for his physician anyway? If I could patch him up then, I could patch him up any time.

I think.

He said he's going to come over after his shift. And I'm looking forward…

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

He doesn't like it, when I'm concerned. And so I pretended I wasn't. But he didn't look good tonight…there was something fragile about him that I haven't seen before. Spock has said it's been a kind of a mind rape, and I get angry at yet another alien who…well. Even if it's Spock mirror personality. Perhaps especially, because I should've protected Bones more. Should've known it was a bad idea to let him help that Spock. But I couldn't resist his plea…

Oh, Bones. I hugged you tonight a bit more than I usually do, but didn't feel like pushing things, not with you just having had to bear such an intrusion. But when you hugged me back…oh my. Guess I haven' been touched by someone like that for a while. Caresses without second and third layers, hidden agendas or upfront manipulations. I can't stand it anymore. I'd rather hug you for a day than to jump in bed with…them.

Although I don't think I could stop at hugging with you anymore.

== Personal Log, Dr. McCoy ==

It happened.

How could it happen? One second we were sitting in my office, having a chill-out drink after shift, joking around…and a second later we were kissing.

I'm getting hot all over just by thinking of it.

And I still don't know how it could happen. I mean…is that really us? Jim doesn't do things like that. He's not into men.

I was so sure of that.

We were both a bit speechless, but then Chapel came in and there wasn't time for a talk anymore. Jim left, and I had to stay for a little while longer.

I should call him right now.

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

He's coming over. Can't quite believe that I'm as nervous as some little school boy before his first date. He didn't say anything about the kiss so far. He didn't pull away, sure, but I'm not sure if it's something he would've really done on his own account.

Maybe it's just a stupid idea of mine.

Damn this recording. People are so different, and there's no reason to think that Bones and I could have the same thing as Pike and Boyce.

And he's so straight. Hell, Bones is the inventor of straightness.

Alright, Jim, you thought that about Pike and Boyce, too. And you still think it. Only that you've living proof of exactly how straight they were…straight as a loop…and you don't know anything about Bones here.

The door bell chimes. And I'm ready for a shower, that much soaked with sweat is my shirt.

Well, maybe he'll shower with me.

== Personal Log, Captain Kirk ==

It's in the middle of the night, but I'm wide awake.

And my brain's rotating.

And other parts are less rotating than standing up straight again.

Yeah. Ramrod straight.

Good thing I didn't bet on Bones' straightness. Would've been expensive.

He told me about his meeting with Boyce…I told him about the recording. We sat down and listened to it…quite inspiring. We weren't that fast with undressing, though. Took our time. But we weren't two blushing virgins either, and that was maybe the best about it. There's a lot to be said about…mutual comfort between adults…

I didn't imagine him feeling that good. His hands are damn skilled. And he doesn't kiss badly, either.

And…hmmm…he doesn't fuck badly, either. And then healed all the little ruptures that can happen in the heat of the action. My ass was the only sacrificed virgin tonight. What a nice way to get deflowered…

Ah, I see he's waking up. I'm ready for more. I bet he is too.

===

Epilogue:

The morning found them lying on their sides, McCoy behind Kirk. His arm was entwined around Kirk's waistline, his groin grounded against the neatest buttocks he'd ever seen on a man. With half-closed eyes he stared at the shaven neck.

Hell of a moment to remember how deeply he could feel. So much for professional distance.

A hand covered his and, if as having read his thoughts, Kirk quietly said, "Starfleet doesn't want their captains to have relationships like that. Because they might get less reckless…"

"Because they've got something to lose then," McCoy finished, knowing that unofficial line all too well.

"One day I might lose you, Bones. Or you might lose me." There was an unspoken question in Jim's words, and McCoy pondered it for a second. Then he said, "Would it have hurt less yesterday?"

Kirk was silent for a second, too. Then he rubbed along McCoy's hand with his fingertips. "No. But it won't ever stop me doing whatever is necessary to ensure the safety of the ship…or the Federation."

"It won't stop me either. So I think we'll manage just fine," McCoy said.

"Yes." Kirk kept stroking his fingers. "How do you feel?"

"Great," McCoy said softly. "Much more relaxed than I've felt for a while."

"Me too," Kirk agreed. "In a way, little seems to have changed. But in another way…it's good to know there's someone to go to…"

"Anytime, Jim," McCoy said, and tightened his grip around Jim's chest.

They fell in silence and finally drifted into a light sleep again, until the alarm woke them. Soon after each went to his duties and, besides a hard-to-define, warm feeling and a few special, shared gazes once in a while, it was almost like the day before…

***

134. Kirk and McCoy meet another Star Trek couple who are in bed together and allow their own feelings to be revealed.