Just practising the art, this is not going anywhere but my journal.
It didn't quite turn out the way I would have wanted to, so brace yourself.


title: Story 1
author: Lady Charena
fandom: Jeeves & Wooster
characters: Bertram Wooster, Reginald Jeeves - and a flock of rubber ducks, of course
rating: gen, pg

Summary: Bertie is taking a bath and pondering serious questions.
This is a translation from my German writing, NOT a new story.




Bertram Wooster enjoyed his bath. A folded towel supported his head and warm, nicely smelling water came up to his neck, surrounding him like a comforter filled with the softest of down. He began to feel pleasantly dozy and his eyelids drooped slightly. His thoughts floated around without direction - just like the little rubber ducks drifted on the surface of the water, navigating between piles of foam, until one of them finally collided with the rim of the tub, creating a squeaky noise almost as if in fright.

Suddenly an unforeseen underwater disturbance caused mighty ripples to divide the foamy mountains and the flock of rubber ducks to ‚flee‘ in wild panic. A giant knee arose amidst of them from the murky depths and one of the unfortunate water fowl collided with it. Unable to turn around on its own, it continued to drift upside down towards the end of the tub, where the rest of its kind gathered.

Bertie - unknowingly causing such severe turbulence among the unsuspecting rubbery fowl - sat more upright. „Jeeves!“ He slapped the surface of the water with his palm of his hand, causing one of the remaining foam mountains to explode, the move made soapy water erupt into every direction.

Unfortunately one of the ‚directions‘ lead straight into Bertie‘s eyes. „Oi!“ Blinking rapidly, he tried to get rid of the irritating substance, when salvation in form of a towel arrived, gently pressed against his face.

Bertie sighed in relief and gave himself over to the expert hands of his saviour, which continued to clean his face. „Thank you, Jeeves,“ he murmured his appreciations. „What an unlucky bout of stupid soap in my eyes.“

„I am very sorry to hear so, Sir. Do you wish me to fetch you another sort of soap for your next bath? “ Jeeves surveyed the damage and put the unfortunate rubber duck out of its misery by turning it around.

„What… no. I think. All of them do this thing… sting when they get in your eyes, don‘t they?“ Bertie took the towel off his face and dropped it.

„As far as to my knowledge, it is an unpleasant but sadly inevitable part of the nature of soap, Sir.“ Jeeves bent down to retrieve the towel and continued to fold it properly, before he hung it up to dry.

„At least I like the smell.“ Bertie started to relax again, once more enjoying the warm water.

„Very well, Sir!“ Jeeves enthused. „Will that be all…?“ He discreetly examined his master. There had been a certain kind of alarm in Mister Wooster‘s voice that could not be quite explained by the incident with the soap.

„Yes, Jeeves. Thank you. Or… no. Wait. I called you because… well and then the stupid soap just got in my eyes, you know, and distracted me…“ Bertie scrunched his face up in contemplation. „I think I forgot something of the outmost importance.“ The tone of his voice implemented something along the approaching apocalypse.

„How very sad, Sir.“ Jeeves cleared his throat. „But perhaps if you try to remember the nursery rhyme your nanny taught you: Start with the feet and take a sponge…“

Bertie interrupted him. „Yes, yes, yes, very funny, Jeeves. This is not what I meant.“

„Ah, may I ask your forgiveness for this misapprehension on my part, Sir?“ Jeeves continued to smooth over the waves of disapproval emanating from his master.

The ducks, moved by the waves emanating from Bertie‘s fidgeting, seemed to nod in sympathy.

„This is way more grave than me forgetting to wash behind the ears, Jeeves. I think, I washed behind my ears, yes I really think I did.“ Bertie sighed and ducked under the water‘s surface, until it once more came up to his chin. „Tuppy called earlier,“ he said, his voice grim. „He has returned to London.“

„Mister Hildebrand Glossop, Sir?“ Jeeves kept his voice neutral and busied himself with wiping away the foamy residue of Bertie‘s agitation. „Surely his recurrence cause elation amongst the members of the Drones Club.“

Bertie waved his hand, sending a few drops of soapy water in direction of the accurate creases in Jeeves‘ trousers. The valet managed to evade them elegantly.

„I will meet Tuppy and his new finance tomorrow night for supper. They eloped during his journey to Boston and are now being pursued by the bride‘s unsympathetic father. Tubby just won‘t learn, will he.“

„A happy occasion shrouded in tragedy, Sir.“

„Aunt Dahlia, of course, is far from happy, Jeeves. She ordered me to pay her a visit first thing tomorrow morning. She is staying in Pont Street, with Aunt Agatha, during her sojourn in the city. Cousin Angela still lacks an acceptable suitor and she seems still to be pining for Tubby. Not that I understand this notion, must be a girl-thing. But I dread Aunt Dahlia‘s newest demands upon yours truly.“

„Just as you say, Sir, it may be expected she might relay on your… vast expertise in this matters.“

„Breakfast with Aunt Agatha, criticising everything from the way I hold my spoon up to my pronunciation. And Aunt Dahlia… girded to hunt down a husband for Angela.“ Bertie shuddered with dismay. „Worst of all, they expect me to be there at nine o‘clock, straight! What an unearthly hour.“

„Very good, Sir. I prepare your morning tea for eight o‘clock then and appoint a cab for you, so there will be no delay in your departure, Sir.“

„Thank you, Jeeves.“ Bertie sighed again. „Even more so, Tuppy hinted at problems not only with the father of his fiancé, but there is a matter with the older sister of his newest lady-of-hearts, which will have to marry first, or something like that. She will be joining us for supper. And I have the very strong feeling, Tuppy will relay on my expertise to find a poor sap to take her off his hands.“

Both of Jeeves‘ eyebrows moved simultaneously to join his hairline. Obviously his Master was oblivious of a certain very important matter - concerning the potential ulterior motives of Mister Glossop‘s invitation. Perhaps - just to be prepared for all eventualities - he should take it upon himself to affirm that Mister Wooster‘s car was in fit shape to drive them to the Country. After all his Master was inclined to undergo spontaneous trips. „Very well, Sir,“ he answered. „If you allow me to prepare a nightcap for you, Sir? To soothe your nerves.“

„Thank you, Jeeves. You really are a marvel, always with the right words and you know… all.“ Bertie‘s gaze fixated on the rubber duck, crossing in front of his eyes. „Even if I am fairly sure there is not enough liquor in the whole Commonwealth to soothe my nerves.“ He managed to sink the duck with a well-placed throw of his bathing sponge.

„Just as you say, Sir.“ Jeeves took the bath towel from the drying rack to put in over a stool where Bertie would be able to grab it easily. „Will that be all, Sir?“

„Yes, Jeeves.“ Bertie submerged himself into the water for a second, before breaking the surface once more, sending droplets into every direction. „Oh, Jeeves,“ he called - the valet, familiar with the peculiarities of his masters, was still waiting by the door. „Do you think it might possible to drown in a tub like this?“

„I deem this a very unsuccessful undertaking, Sir, for I would be forced to attend my responsibilities and save you. Sir.“

„You are a great reassurance for me, Jeeves.“

„Very good, Sir. Thank you, Sir.“ Jeeves left discreetly the bathroom - and Bertie to play with his flock of rubber ducks.