Just practising the art, this is not going anywhere but my
journal.
It didn't quite turn out the way I would have wanted to, so brace yourself.
title: Story 1
author: Lady Charena
fandom: Jeeves & Wooster
characters: Bertram Wooster, Reginald Jeeves - and a flock of rubber ducks, of
course
rating: gen, pg
Summary: Bertie is taking a bath and pondering serious questions.
This is a translation from my German writing, NOT a new story.
Bertram Wooster enjoyed his bath. A folded towel supported his head and warm,
nicely smelling water came up to his neck, surrounding him like a comforter
filled with the softest of down. He began to feel pleasantly dozy and his
eyelids drooped slightly. His thoughts floated around without direction - just
like the little rubber ducks drifted on the surface of the water, navigating
between piles of foam, until one of them finally collided with the rim of the
tub, creating a squeaky noise almost as if in fright.
Suddenly an unforeseen underwater disturbance caused mighty ripples to divide
the foamy mountains and the flock of rubber ducks to ‚flee‘ in wild panic. A
giant knee arose amidst of them from the murky depths and one of the
unfortunate water fowl collided with it. Unable to turn around on its own, it
continued to drift upside down towards the end of the tub, where the rest of
its kind gathered.
Bertie - unknowingly causing such severe turbulence among the unsuspecting
rubbery fowl - sat more upright. „Jeeves!“ He slapped the surface of the water
with his palm of his hand, causing one of the remaining foam mountains to
explode, the move made soapy water erupt into every direction.
Unfortunately one of the ‚directions‘ lead straight into Bertie‘s eyes. „Oi!“
Blinking rapidly, he tried to get rid of the irritating substance, when
salvation in form of a towel arrived, gently pressed against his face.
Bertie sighed in relief and gave himself over to the expert hands of his
saviour, which continued to clean his face. „Thank you, Jeeves,“ he murmured
his appreciations. „What an unlucky bout of stupid soap in my eyes.“
„I am very sorry to hear so, Sir. Do you wish me to fetch you another sort of
soap for your next bath? “ Jeeves surveyed the damage and put the unfortunate
rubber duck out of its misery by turning it around.
„What… no. I think. All of them do this thing… sting when they get in your
eyes, don‘t they?“ Bertie took the towel off his face and dropped it.
„As far as to my knowledge, it is an unpleasant but sadly inevitable part of
the nature of soap, Sir.“ Jeeves bent down to retrieve the towel and continued
to fold it properly, before he hung it up to dry.
„At least I like the smell.“ Bertie started to relax again, once more enjoying
the warm water.
„Very well, Sir!“ Jeeves enthused. „Will that be all…?“ He discreetly examined
his master. There had been a certain kind of alarm in Mister Wooster‘s voice
that could not be quite explained by the incident with the soap.
„Yes, Jeeves. Thank you. Or… no. Wait. I called you because… well and then the
stupid soap just got in my eyes, you know, and distracted me…“ Bertie scrunched
his face up in contemplation. „I think I forgot something of the outmost
importance.“ The tone of his voice implemented something along the approaching
apocalypse.
„How very sad, Sir.“ Jeeves cleared his throat. „But perhaps if you try to
remember the nursery rhyme your nanny taught you: Start with the feet and take
a sponge…“
Bertie interrupted him. „Yes, yes, yes, very funny, Jeeves. This is not what I
meant.“
„Ah, may I ask your forgiveness for this misapprehension on my part, Sir?“
Jeeves continued to smooth over the waves of disapproval emanating from his
master.
The ducks, moved by the waves emanating from Bertie‘s fidgeting, seemed to nod
in sympathy.
„This is way more grave than me forgetting to wash behind the ears, Jeeves. I
think, I washed behind my ears, yes I really think I did.“ Bertie sighed and
ducked under the water‘s surface, until it once more came up to his chin.
„Tuppy called earlier,“ he said, his voice grim. „He has returned to London.“
„Mister Hildebrand Glossop, Sir?“ Jeeves kept his voice neutral and busied
himself with wiping away the foamy residue of Bertie‘s agitation. „Surely his
recurrence cause elation amongst the members of the Drones Club.“
Bertie waved his hand, sending a few drops of soapy water in direction of the
accurate creases in Jeeves‘ trousers. The valet managed to evade them
elegantly.
„I will meet Tuppy and his new finance tomorrow night for supper. They eloped
during his journey to Boston and are now being pursued by the bride‘s
unsympathetic father. Tubby just won‘t learn, will he.“
„A happy occasion shrouded in tragedy, Sir.“
„Aunt Dahlia, of course, is far from happy, Jeeves. She ordered me to pay her a
visit first thing tomorrow morning. She is staying in Pont Street, with Aunt
Agatha, during her sojourn in the city. Cousin Angela still lacks an acceptable
suitor and she seems still to be pining for Tubby. Not that I understand this
notion, must be a girl-thing. But I dread Aunt Dahlia‘s newest demands upon
yours truly.“
„Just as you say, Sir, it may be expected she might relay on your… vast
expertise in this matters.“
„Breakfast with Aunt Agatha, criticising everything from the way I hold my
spoon up to my pronunciation. And Aunt Dahlia… girded to hunt down a husband
for Angela.“ Bertie shuddered with dismay. „Worst of all, they expect me to be
there at nine o‘clock, straight! What an unearthly hour.“
„Very good, Sir. I prepare your morning tea for eight o‘clock then and appoint
a cab for you, so there will be no delay in your departure, Sir.“
„Thank you, Jeeves.“ Bertie sighed again. „Even more so, Tuppy hinted at
problems not only with the father of his fiancé, but there is a matter with the
older sister of his newest lady-of-hearts, which will have to marry first, or
something like that. She will be joining us for supper. And I have the very
strong feeling, Tuppy will relay on my expertise to find a poor sap to take her
off his hands.“
Both of Jeeves‘ eyebrows moved simultaneously to join his hairline. Obviously
his Master was oblivious of a certain very important matter - concerning the
potential ulterior motives of Mister Glossop‘s invitation. Perhaps - just to be
prepared for all eventualities - he should take it upon himself to affirm that
Mister Wooster‘s car was in fit shape to drive them to the Country. After all
his Master was inclined to undergo spontaneous trips. „Very well, Sir,“ he
answered. „If you allow me to prepare a nightcap for you, Sir? To soothe your
nerves.“
„Thank you, Jeeves. You really are a marvel, always with the right words and
you know… all.“ Bertie‘s gaze fixated on the rubber duck, crossing in front of
his eyes. „Even if I am fairly sure there is not enough liquor in the whole
Commonwealth to soothe my nerves.“ He managed to sink the duck with a
well-placed throw of his bathing sponge.
„Just as you say, Sir.“ Jeeves took the bath towel from the drying rack to put
in over a stool where Bertie would be able to grab it easily. „Will that be
all, Sir?“
„Yes, Jeeves.“ Bertie submerged himself into the water for a second, before
breaking the surface once more, sending droplets into every direction. „Oh,
Jeeves,“ he called - the valet, familiar with the peculiarities of his masters,
was still waiting by the door. „Do you think it might possible to drown in a
tub like this?“
„I deem this a very unsuccessful undertaking, Sir, for I would be forced to
attend my responsibilities and save you. Sir.“
„You are a great reassurance for me, Jeeves.“
„Very good, Sir. Thank you, Sir.“ Jeeves left discreetly the bathroom - and
Bertie to play with his flock of rubber ducks.