Dark honey 1/1
Author: Lady Charena <LadyCharena@aol.com>
Part: NEW 2/2
Feedback: I'd like feedback very much. Please mail me at <LadyCharena@aol.com>
Summary: Sequel to sugar-coated lies. V'ger brought Jim and Spock together again aboard the Enterprise.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to play with the Boys. The story is mine and fanfiction - no moneymaking or offence of copyrights intended.
If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex - sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient with any errors - English is not my native language. My deepest gratitude to T'Len for beta.
by Lady Charena
It was V'gers call, which had summoned him to leave Vulcan after the disastrous end of his attempt to achieve Kolinahr.
Nevertheless, it was the strain in Jim's face, the darkness in his eyes despite the excitement to command again a Starship - which had made him stay.
Now - on their way back to Earth - it was time for a confrontation between him and his ex-lover.
* * *
They had agreed to meet on a more neutral ground - in the observation deck aboard the Enterprise.
Spock was already there, sitting in one of the chairs in front of the big window, built in into the hull of the ship. The stars slurred slightly at their current speed of warp one, modified from the computer.
However, the Vulcan did not see them. He was lost in vivid remembrance of other times and places. A leisure he had denied himself for the last years - ever since the moment, he had left Jim. Now he was not that sure anymore that it had been the right decision. Maybe he should have stayed on Earth...
The soft sound of the closing door broke his reverie on the past.
Spock lifted his head to meet the eyes of his former Captain - his former mate. It was easier as he had feared - but hard nonetheless. Jim smiled. However, it was only a ghost of his famous smile, which charmed so many hearts over the years. Inclusive the one of a certain Vulcan...
"Hi," he said, sitting next to the Vulcan, who nodded only. "You're okay?"
Again, Spock nodded. "Yes, Jim. I am fine. There are no lasting effects from the meld with V'ger. Doctor McCoy has verified this - as far he was able to do so."
The good doctor had said a lot more, but Spock would not repeat this now - or to this human, who had been the main topic of their conversation.
For a moment Jim seemed determined to ask for a specification but than died the flicker of interest in his eyes. This was not why they had agreed to meet!
Even so - for a couple of minutes neither of them spoke. At least it was Spock, who broke the strained silence. "Jim, I think, we have to talk."
Kirk lifted his head. "And about what topic, if one may inquire?" he asked ironically.
Spock swallowed. "About you and... about the past. Do you..." he stopped at the humans bitter smile.
"You want to know, if I still consume re'kel, won't you?"
The Vulcan did not answer - but Kirk didn't care. "No, I *do* not consume re'kel anymore. I stopped the day after you chose to run away from me."
Spock flinched involuntarily about the sarcasm in Kirks voice. He regained his manner instantly, but it has been long enough for the human, to see his flaw in controlling himself.
Jim looked at him, as he carried on. "I tried to contact you on Vulcan, to tell you that I finally have come to my senses. However, I couldn't reach you. So I went to Vulcan myself. I went to your father, did he ever tell you?"
He didn't wait to see Spock shaking silently his head. Since his leave from Vulcan, he had not spoken to any member of his family.
"He told me at least that you went to Gol, to carry out a discipline called Kolinahr. A discipline to get rid of unwanted feelings and memories. It seems you weren't overly successful in this. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, would you?"
Spock sat straight in his chair, starring blindly into the darkness of space, unable to meet again the eyes of the human. Every word seemed to cut a small wound into his heart.
"So I went back to Earth. I learned to live without re'kel again - as I had to learn to live without you. After some time it even stopped hurting. I've even got myself married to a woman, did you know?"
For the space of a couple of heartbeats, it was very silent. Then nodded Spock once. "Lori Ciani. On the journey to join the Enterprise I asked the databanks about your file."
The human set straighter in his chair. "Why?" he asked soundless.
"I needed to know." Slowly the Vulcan lifted his head, as he said so. Dared the human to protest against his right to do so. But Jim bit only into his lower lip, starring onto the floor.
"So you knew," he stated after some time.
Spock got up. There was no logic in continuing with a conversation like this.
But midway to the door, he stopped suddenly. "I had to go then, Jim," he said softly, not more then a shadow in the dark. "Not because I did not love you anymore. Because it was the only thing, I knew to do. Maybe it has been a mistake."
With this, he turned and left the room.
* * *
Back on Earth...
He had nearly forgotten how cold it could be here, how humid.
After the monotony of the desert, the lushness of Earth was overwhelming. Deep breaths flooded his system with an amount of oxygen, which mad him slightly euphoric.
This was a special place and before he would leave Earth for good, he had to come back for a last time. To say goodbye. His eyes travelled along the empty beach - early October was no time for basking in the sun or swimming in the ocean. He shivered and took his cape tighter around his shoulders. His thoughts got lost to another day...
It had been a hot summer day, as they agreed to a walk down the beach.
He remembered how Jim's hair had looked like in the sun, plain gold - how gentle his voice had been.
As he told the Vulcan a secret, long kept to himself. Spock remembered every detail. The soft glow in the hazel eyes, the touch of Jim's hand on his arm. Every single word, which had been spoken at this day. The day, he learned of Jim's love for him - and of his own, deep feelings for the human.
* * *
The soft clearing of a throat startled him from his bittersweet reverie. And even before he turned, he knew who it would be.
Jim stood there, hands buried in his jacket. "I thought, you'd be gone to Vulcan at this time? To stay there," he asked softly.
Spock did not answer at once. Slightly breathless, his heartbeat at an unusual high rate, he starred at the human. My shuttle departs at 04.00 tomorrow morning," he answered after some time.
Jim nodded. His eyes searched over the calm face of the Vulcan. "I lied to you," he said.
Again the human nodded. "At our conversation on the observation deck." He smiled wryly. "Losing you never stopped hurting." A long moment none of them moved or spoke.
Spock broke the silence. "Why now?" he whispered, his throat tight. Their arrival on Earth had been three weeks ago.
Again Jim smiled. "Because I found today something left from the past in my apartment. And I came to this place to get ride of it for good. I didn't actually expect to find you here."
He opened his fingers - revelling two small pills laying on his palm. *Re'kel*. As he tossed them into the ocean, his eyes never left the face of *his* Vulcan.
"I regret that everything got so wrong in the past. Now I know - what we shared was... was something very special. And losing you - to live without you - was the hardest thing I ever had to do."
Spock took a deep breath. "But I lost you first, Jim. I lost you to a drug. And there was nothing I could have done. Therefore, I went away from you. But I never thought, it would hurt that much. So I sought the peace of Kolinahr. But I failed. Like I failed you, as I run away from you when you needed me most."
"No, no, Spock. Never believe this." Jim took his shoulders. "You never failed me. If you had stayed, I'd have destroyed everything. My carrier, our love. Losing you opened my eyes."
Spock saw into the smiling eyes of *his* human, as Kirk touched gently his cheek. "Jim, I never stopped loving you, but..."
"Hush... just come back to me, love," whispered the human, before he kissed his mate.
* * *
His hair had lost his fair, nearly golden colour. Now it looked more like dark honey. With a small smile playing around his lips, the Vulcan bent down to his sleeping mate, smoothing the ever-obstinate curl in Jim's forehead back to order, before he gently kissed the cool lips.