Consummation 1/1
Author: Lady Charena
Series: post-TOS, post-STMP
Part: New 1/1
Rating: NC-17
Codes: K/S
Feedback: I'd
like feedback very much. Please mail me at LadyCharena@aol.com
Summary: Shortly
after V'ger. Spock entered pon farr.
Note: Sequel to
"Lost dreams", "Longing" and "The call".
Disclaimer:
Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to have some
fun with the Boys. The story is mine and only fanfiction - no moneymaking or
offence of copyrights intended.
If you are under
age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex -
sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient
with any errors - English is not my native language. My deepest gratitude to my
betas T'Len and to T'Boy, who did again a great job to correct my mistakes. If
there are any left, blame me.
Consummation 1/1
* * * * * * * * *
by Lady Charena
2000
Too early...
Like the first time,
his erratic half-human body failed him. A few days after his arrival on Vulcan,
he woke from frightening dreams. His mind filled with pictures of flames and
red blood. Sweat gleamed on his skin as he got up, and he shivered in the
nightly cold.
This time he
knew, this time there was no doubt.
Kneeling in front
of the fire-shrine, he tried to meditate, ignoring his aroused state. It took
some time and effort to achieve a deeper level of meditation.
Some of the
disciplines he learned in Gol, would grant him a greater control over his body.
But they would not save him. To be untouched in body and mind meant to be
dead...
And now it was
too late to break the link to the human. No healer could meld with him, without
risk of being attacked by his mind. The only touch he craved, needed, accepted
- was that of his bondmate. And there was none.
He could have
tried to find another bondmate on Vulcan, but he knew, it would be useless.
There would be no other for him. He knew that much from his failed relationship
with Nik. In the end he gave Nik his freedom, to seek somebody who *could* love
him really.
His mind and body
cried for Jim. And his heart... he silenced it.
He wanted to lose
himself in the cool haven of Jim's mind again. The so long suppressed hunger
for this man broke free.
But he knew,
there would be no way to satisfy this yearning, no way to find a second half of
his soul. It destroyed once his dream of being one with the human. There would
be no second time.
As he left the
security of meditation, a new day dawned. He went to the window to greet it.
Spock accepted the knowledge, that there would not be many more for him...
* * *
Jim woke from a
nightmare. Slowly the impression of being strangled vanished and he could
breath again. His mouth was filled with the taste of sand, as he swallowed.
He got out of the
bed, to get some water. Bending his head over the sink, he splashed the cool
fluid in his burning face. It helped a bit to clear his mind. He watched his
face in the mirror, deciding this was not one of his better nights.
He looked pale
and tired, strain showed in little wrinkles around eyes and mouth. His body
felt hot and feverish - well, in more than one way...
He touched the
bulk in front of his pyjamas and groaned. It was not this unusual for him, to
wake aroused. But this hurt really.
As the trembling
started, he reached with both hands for the sink. There was the distinct
sensation of falling... but then something intruded in his mind. He heard his
own gasp for air, as fire broke over him. The link to Spock, something lifeless
and unrecognised in his mind, woke to life, communicating Spock's need...
And he started to
fight against it.
He came to his
senses again - clinging to the sink, on his knees, his body limp and spent.
After a few minutes he went to his feet to clean himself up. Returning to bed,
he stretched his cramped, tired body.
Spock was in pon
farr... he tried to push the thought away. He remembered the first time and
suppressed a shiver. This time it seemed to be more channelled, more
controlled, but frightening nevertheless. But did he really have a chance?
He sunk into
uneasy sleep, exhaustion taking over.
Two days later he
sat on the edge of the bed. There had been no further sign that Spock tried to
contact him. He knew Spock wouldn't. Determination rose and he came to his
feet, throwing a few clothes and things he would need into a travel-bag, while
he started a call to book a seat in the next Shuttle to Vulcan...
* * *
Summer on Vulcan.
The last time he
was here, it had been early autumn. So the temperature was even higher than he
remembered. The air itself seemed to burn. Even Spock's world seemed to suffer
like he did...
He left the
rented Aircar and steeled himself against the higher gravitation. Shoving the
sunglasses up in his hair, he watched the silent house.
He knew, Sarek
and Amanda spent this season on Earth, Spock's mother couldn't cope this easily
with the heat anymore. He approached the entrance - knowing, the door would be
open for him.
He entered the
slightly cooler house, leaving his bag on the floor on bottom of the stairs.
Spock's rooms
were up. He could feel the flames again, calling him like they had a few days
before.
* * *
Spock was in his
room, curled on his side on the bed. His naked body covered with sweat,
aroused, trembling. His head cradled in his arms.
Slowly Jim
approached the bed, leaving his clothes behind. Pushing his fear away.
He knew, Spock
felt his presence, even if he gave no outer sign. Just the trembling increased.
"I come to
serve," he said, remembering the ritual words from the first time.
"Spock, I'm here for you."
The Vulcan shook his
head, a weak gesture of refusal. "I do not want you," he whispered. A
lie...
"You've
called me, Spock. You've called me on Earth to come to you."
He stroked over
the black hair, clinging wetly to the head. A shudder ran through the slender
body, as he bent
his head to press his lips against Spock's nape, feeling the fluttering
heartbeat there.
"I know, you
don't want me. But I can't let you die..."
He kissed his way
down the prominent spine and smiled, as Spock arched against his touch.
"I'm determined to fight for you. Come on, love. Give in to me."
And so he did.
Strong hands
closed around his waist, pulling him down on the bed.
The next moment,
Jim found himself on his belly and the feverish body covering his.
No foreplay, no preparation
- just the blunt pressure of Spock's cock against the opening to his body. He
had taken care of this, shortly before his arrival on Vulcan. But it hurt
nonetheless.
For a moment he
had to fight for breath, as Spock entered him with one smooth motion. Pain
filled his vision with red haze - but the scream, torn from him, was one of
mere delight... triumph. 'Mine...'
He was pulled on
hands and knees, his legs spread wider. Spock entered him again, this time it
was less painful.
* * *
He was turned on
his back once again, Spock covering him now. He closed his eyes, as soft lips
searched his, hot fingertips settled over the meld-points in his face. His
fingers clutched in the sheet, as he began to understand what would follow...
The first tendrils
of Spock's mind-touch drifted through the link, now vivid and strong. Jim tried
to overcome the fear, the doubts... but he felt himself retreating in panic,
fighting against the intruder.
His body thrashed
from side to side, bucking against the weight of the body over him. Pain shot
through his head - heat, desire, rage - passing by like clouds on a stormy day.
But suddenly it
was over.
He was once more
alone...
"No..."
he wanted to scream, but it was a mere whisper. He hated himself. "Not again..."
Slowly he opened
his eyes, seeing Spock resting his head on his chest, his face hidden. Somehow
he summoned the strength to cup Spock's face with his hands, tipping it up. Searching
in the dark eyes for a light he lost years ago. The Vulcan averted his gaze.
He slid his hands
down over gaunt cheeks, thin shoulders, arms - till his hands rested on
Spock's.
Feeling the
flames, still raging in the slender body. "Then take what I can
give..."
Turning his head
aside, he held himself open, as the Vulcan entered him again, his body's
demands taking control. Jim never knew, if he just imagined the tears on
Spock's face...
* * *
He knew they both
had slept some time, Spock in his arms.
Woken, to be
turned on his belly or his back, to be entered again. Remembered one time
clutching his own erection, while the Vulcan took him - and hot fingers,
shoving his aside, to settle around his cock, bringing him to orgasm, as Spock
came inside him.
He ceased to
count, to react, at last to feel... till darkness closed around him.
* * *
The sun stung his
tired eyes, as he woke. His throat felt raw as he swallowed, the bitter taste
of blood filling his mouth.
Turning his head
to the side, which only intensified the headache, he searched for Spock.
But the bed, the
whole room was deserted.
He felt sore all
over, his body painful cramped. His left wrist felt like it had been cruelly
twisted - swollen, but not broken. Bruises on his arms, shoulders, around his
hips. Not as bad, as he had expected.
Just very
exhausted, sticky. And very alone.
Slowly he slid a
hand down the length of his body, avoiding aching nipples. He flinched, as he
touched the tender orifice. But there was no blood on his fingers, just semen,
as he pulled them back.
A crooked smile
played for a moment around his lips. He remembered not much about the first pon
farr, but this time he could *revel* in memories, vivid enough to arouse him even
in his exhausted state. Laughter broke free, bitter and painful... always ready
to rise to the occasion, yes?.. till it ended in strangled sobs.
Jim hid his face
and surrendered to the once more approaching darkness.
* * *
He woke anew,
this time in semi-darkness, the sun closed off by sunscreens. Less tired, maybe
slightly less aching. At least the pain in his head seemed somewhat subdued. He
felt warm, his skin dry and clean... and fresh sheets beneath him. Spock's
doing.
Spock... He
searched the room, knowing he would be there. His gaze slid over the otherwise
empty bed, finding a cup of water on a shelf. His stomach protested after a few
careful sips, but his throat felt now more like speaking.
"Spock?"
he whispered. "What do you think about a good-morning-kiss?" Not one
of his better jokes...
There was no
answer from the silent figure, standing in front of the window, his back turned
to the human.
"Spock,
I..." he fell silent, unsure what to say, how to justify this second
rejection.
"I am
sorry," he whispered at last.
Spock turned,
wearing his usual cold mask.
Jim sipped some
more water, putting the cup away.
"Come to
me," he whispered, reaching out for Spock - and flinched, as the cramped muscles
in his arm hurt at the too sudden movement.
The Vulcan
hesitated a long time - then he came to him, but stopped one step away, sizing
him up over the distance.
"You're
okay? The fever gone?"
Spock nodded. His
gaze fell on the human's hand, outstretched toward him. Calling again for him.
He closed the distance between them, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Jim,"
he whispered. "I hurt you. I did not want to hurt you..."
Hesitant he
touched the cooler fingers with his own.
"Come."
The human held on to his hand and pulled the unresisting Vulcan in his arms.
Biting back a moan of pain - but he revelled in the feeling of the hot body
against his.
"It's
okay," he whispered, his face hidden in the silken hair. "I'm here
and I'm well. Just tired and a bit sore. Nothing to worry about, love."
He felt the
increasing tremble in the slender body. "I'm fine. Really. You know, I'd
do anything for you. Anything I can..."
At last they
slept this way, entangled, exhausted.
* * *
For the third
time, Jim woke in darkness. Once more he was alone. His gaze returned to the
window, night again.
How many nights
had passed since his arrival? He didn't know... and didn't care.
Slowly he got up,
most of the pain had subdued, he felt less cramped. Putting on a robe he found
near the bed, he searched for the shower. Hot water would have been better for
his muscles, but he had to be content with Sonics.
Returning, he
found his travel-bag and put on fresh clothes. Feeling much better and
ravenous, he left the room, searching for Spock.
He couldn't find
the Vulcan, but the table in the kitchen was laid for one person.
At last he found
Spock in the garden. There was enough light from the stars to see him sitting
on a bench.
Spock lifted his
head, as the human set down beside him, slow and careful. He reached for him,
as if to ascertain for himself with a touch...
But he stopped
midway and pulled his hand back. "How are you?" he asked quietly,
averting his eyes, as Jim sought his gaze.
"I am
fine", Jim replied, reaching for Spock's hand. "You did not hurt
me," he said, answering a question the Vulcan dared not to ask.
Jim hid his face
against his palm. "But I hurt you. Like I do again and again. Why am I
this way? Why can't I..." he broke off.
"Jim."
Spock tipped his head up. He touched hesitantly a bruise on Jim's chin, his
pale cheek, the bitten lips - avoiding only the pressure points for the
mind-meld.
"I do not
know," he answered at last. "Your mind is closed to mine."
He pulled his
hand back.
For a long time
there was only silence.
"What now?
How do we go on from this?"
Spock did not
answer, nor gaze at the human.
"Will you
came back to Earth? To me?"
Spock shook his
head. "I cannot."
Jim silenced him
with a finger across thin lips. "I do not ask you to love me. I know, I
have no right... I don't deserve that much anymore."
He shook his
head, as if to get rid of an unwanted thought.
"Just be
there. I do not ask for more. Just be there, be a part of my life again."
Spock closed his
eyes... and nodded.
* * *
There weren't
many who could stand against a determined Jim Kirk. At last he got exactly what
he wanted - his ship, his crew and a new five-year-mission. And Spock at his
side - as his first and science officer.
It was nearly
heaven.
to be
continued...
******************************
Part 5 "Lost
in the light"
coming up soon.
Khan - you
know...
CU LadyCharena
Continued in Lost in the light