The call 1/1
Author: Lady Charena <LadyCharena@aol.com>
Series: TOS, STMP
Part: NEW 1/1
Feedback: I'd like feedback very much. Please mail me at <LadyCharena@aol.com>
Summary: V'ger joined them. But was it really V'gers call, which made Spock leave Gol?
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to have some fun with the Boys. The story is mine and only fanfiction - no moneymaking or offence of copyrights intended.
If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex - sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient with any errors - English is not my native language. Thanks to my betas T'Len and to T'Boy, who did again a great job to correct my mistakes. If there are any left, blame me.
The call 1/1
by Lady Charena
Now it once more felt familiar to him. The eternal vibration of the ship under his feet. His crew and old friends aboard the Enterprise. And Spock.
But his contentment trickled slowly away, as he waited. And waited. And waited. He had asked Spock to come to his quarters, but the Vulcan never showed up.
There was a tape on his desk, patiently waiting to be reviewed. The final reports regarding the transporter-malfunction, which killed Commander Sonak and Admiral Lori Ciani. He didn't want to look at them, but in the end he knew, he would have no other choice.
* * *
Jim Kirk got slowly up and strolled to his desk. He took the tape in his hand.
He'd never know why she beamed aboard. Now she was dead. They hadn't seen each other for months. After their break-up nearly one year ago, there had been little contact between them.
Their marriage was a failure from the beginning. But not Lori's failure. All she did wrong, was to love him...
* // * // * //*
The first few weeks had been nearly perfect. He seemed to be healed from his insane longing for Spock after that mad little scene in the garden.
But then he started to dream. Blurred, indistinct dreams of Spock. Things from the past... memories mingled with erotic fantasies. He woke more than once with Spock's name on his lips, the sheets covered with sweat and semen.
He made a thousand excuses, as she questioned him about this. Sometimes, he buried himself for days in his work, taking nearly no time to eat or for more than a few hours of uneasy sleep. Nearly six months after their wedding, Lori moved out of their shared apartment. Three weeks later she went back to him, after he promised to be healed - once and forever.
A outright lie or delusion... but to whom had he lied? Lori? Himself? He never knew, because a few days later he got a short, cool message from the Vulcan. Informing him, that Spock had resigned and would go back to Vulcan, to achieve a mental discipline called Kolinahr. It took Jim days to discover what this Kolinahr was. And when he knew, he got insanely drunk.
The knowledge, that Spock wasn't here anymore, was like a knife in a open wound. And he was bleeding to death.
A few days after the hangover cleared off, he decided to go to Vulcan. He actually went to Gol, where the Kolinahru lived in total seclusion, but no one ever heard his desperate appeal. So he went back to Earth. Two weeks after this, Lori left him for good.
It couldn't touch him. Nothing touched him anymore. Spock was gone...
Somehow he went on with his life, like he had done before. But there was little more left of him than an empty shelf.
This went on and on, till V'gers call resounded through the galaxy. For the first time in years there was again a spark of the old determination. Jim went to Nogura to claim his ship. He got it back.
And then happened the unforeseeable, the unbelievable - Spock joined them aboard the Enterprise. At some times, Jim found himself watching the Vulcan intensely, as if to assure that he was no wretched hallucination, no wicked dream.
Blessed reality, as Spock took his hand in sickbay, after his nearly fatal meld with V'ger. Their fingers touched - and an almost painful sensation went through him... like closing a circuit between them. For a moment he forgot everybody and everything around them, nearly pouring his mixed-up emotions in front of the whole sickbay. Or maybe even kissing the dazed Vulcan. McCoy stopped him and reluctantly he concentrated again on the ship and their mission. 'Soon' he promised himself. 'Soon...'
But Spock kept himself out of his way as much as possible. The shame over his failure in front of the masters of Gol still rested heavily on him. He did not want to deal with the cause of it, too.
Jim didn't give up. And so he cornered the Vulcan at last in the observation deck, a few hours before their arrival in Earth's orbit. He stopped for a moment, just inside the room, looking at the too silent figure of his former lover.
Spock stiffened, as from behind cool human arms went around his waist, to pull him into a unwanted hug. Jim placed a kiss on his neck and he had to stifle a moan.
"I missed you so," the human whispered, his breath brushing his skin, causing shivers. "Never leave me again. With you, I lost everything."
"I am here to tell you something, I think you have to know." Spock's voice was as cold as space outside the big windows. "During my stay on Vulcan..." Another kiss on this neck and he nearly gasped. The human could not truly believe... He forced himself to ignore it.
"I felt your thoughts, Jim - on Vulcan. You learned of the destroyed ships and I..."
Cool lips closed around his lobe, sucking gently and he was not able to stop the hoarse moan.
"We can always talk later," Jim whispered, turning the dazed Vulcan. "I need you." He bent his head, to capture soft lips. "I still love you more than my life."
But Spock jerked his head to the other side, pushing Jim away. "I am here to tell you something important," he said coolly.
He could not take much more of this. After the meld with V'ger his control was still brittle. "There is a faint link between us. I do not know, why I did not discover this earlier. I do not know, why we are still linked in this way. And I do not know, why you could reach me over a distance like Earth to Vulcan..."
Jim smiled and pulled him again in his arms. "And that disturbs you, I know. But this is our fate, can't you see? We're meant to be together."
He kissed Spock, never bothered by the lack of any response from the Vulcan, stroking his hands up and down the stiff back. This was heaven... Crushing their bodies together, to show his arousal. "Without you, even the star's are dark," he whispered.
The Vulcan pushed him away. "No!" He turned, reaching for the shreds of his control. "I will return to Vulcan."
"But why, Spock? You said, your task on Vulcan was finished. I thought, you would stay with me."
"And in which function? As your science officer, if you keep your command?"
"No... yes..." Jim stepped nearer. "You're everything to me", he said. "I love you, t'hy'la."
"Do not dare to call me..." Spock regained control at the last moment, closing his eyes. "I cannot be anymore what you want me to be," he said, his voice now cold as ice.
"The link between us will weaken with the distance. If it is safe to do so, I will seek out a healer to sever it. There is less than a year left, till my next pon farr arrives. I do not want to be driven to you like the last time."
Jim reached for his shoulders. "Spock, you know, I will be there for you. There is nothing, I would not do to..." He searched for the right words.
But the Vulcan cut in, stepping out of his grip. "It is too late, Jim. I am what I am. And I found myself longing for more than a bedmate, who desires my body, but not my mind. I cannot live like this." He stopped to take a deep, calming breath.
"I tried, Jim, over the years more times then I care to know. I tried it as I woke in sickbay. I cannot." There was deep pain in his eyes, like on the day they stood on the red sand on Vulcan.
"But I find myself unable to trust you again." He turned and left the too silent room.
Jim stood alone in the observation deck of his ship, which lost every meaning for him, surrounded by stars, which blurred, as he watched them.
to be continued...
Now, this was really a hard thing to write,
with my whole heart crying for a happy end...
Look out for "Consummation", it's coming up soon.
CU Lady Charena
Continued in: Consummation