Brothers
T'Len
2004
Series. Karl May
Rating: PG-13
Codes: W/OS
Feedback: tlen11@freenet.de
Beta reader: Thanks to Lady Charena for the beta. For all
remaining errors, blame me.
Summary: Hidden desires
Disclaimer: The characters in this story don’t belong to
me. I only borrowed them for some fun. No moneymaking, no violation of
copyrights are intended. The story is mine and it is just fanfiction. If you
are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with this topic, then look
elsewhere for your entertainment. English is not my native language, so please
be patient with my mistakes.
I can’t help myself but
glance at any of your movements. Yours blue-black, long hair has something
mystical in the pale light of the stars and the restless flashing of our fire.
Something mysterious. So mysteriously as I still perceive you from time to
time– after all the years we know each other. You surely know me better than
anyone else on the entire planet.
I can see the playing of your
muscles under your tight clothing. Elegantly, almost graceful and yet so
strong. As I do often in my secret observations, I compare you now with a big
cat, a black panther. Slim but always ready and enormously elegant.
Even at the times, when we
still faced each other as enemies I sensed your power and admired your
elegance. In the last years I often enough had the opportunity to observe you
in battle – and in quieter times I had my secret dreams and longings.
My view is glued to your
strong back, your muscular shoulders, slides then down to the shapely roundness
of your rear. There they are again – the forbidden thoughts. Thoughts full of
passion and desire for something, that may not be. That can not be.
Deep in thoughts I hear again
the voice of my father. A voice that speaks about perversity. Not to me, but
rather to his friends in the inn. That I – just eight years old – overheard
their speech in the adjoining bowling alley where, I was putting up the cones,
remained obviously unnoticed.
Just as father didn’t notice
later the same evening, that I heard his conversation with mother. He worried
that I –much too weak for my age – would end like the son of our neighbour. He
had been caught with the new teacher in an unambiguous situation. His father
committed suicide about that shame.
My fathers fear, his only son
could possibly be a pervert, pursued me my entire life. „An orderly man hasn’t
any interest on other man,“ he often said to me. And so it was burned deeply
into my own morality.
My father surely would be
proud of me, if he yet had been able to see which life I live today. Full of
adventures and dangerous situations. And yet it had been this mannish life
which leaded me to find the person that I love more than anyone else, yet more than
my own life.
Can it really be a shame to
be in love? Love – another word a real man shouldn’t think off, let alone take
it into his mouth. „Boys don’t show feelings“ was another often heard
sentence.
But I love you. And I don’t
wish to fight it any longer. I do not know, what connected the neighbour boy
and the teacher then. Perhaps it was love, perhaps it was only desire.
I stopped a long time ago to
deny that I also feel the latter for you. How often did I imagine to feel your
tender hands – the hands that also fought so many battles, that understand it
so excellent to lead weapons -
caressing my skin?
How often did I wish to comb
my hands through your long, silky hair, to feel your seductive lips on
mine? I didn’t count. The dream already
last too long, without hope, that it can become reality one day.
You bend to caress Iltschi’s
mane. Again I admire your supple movements. But suddenly you wince slightly.
You’re still in pain from your wounded left shoulder, where two days ago a
Sioux arrow hit you
It was close, like so often
in our adventures. Too close. One day an arrow will hit deadly) – or a bullet
or a Tomahawk. And then it will be too
late.
Missed chances and
opportunities – there are already so many in my life. All at once I am not
willing to allow another chance to pass. We experienced and shared so much
together. We are so close that we can
often guess the thoughts of the other, before they are thought to end.
Why shouldn’t we take this
last step? Perhaps fate determined,
that today is the night of truth. My feelings tell me, that you will listen and
understand and accept. This is time for honesty between us.
Yet as I still try to gather my courage to make the first move, you suddenly turn to me. For a moment your dark eyes fix on me, as if you wanted to look directly into my soul – then you smile when you come to me with extended arms. „My brother, Scharlih!“
-End-