Title: All
the things she said 2
Author: Lady Charena
Series: (a/r)TOS - shortly after the
five-year-mission
Codes: POV S: S/T'Pring, [K/S]
Rating: PG
Feedback: I'd love to get - LadyCharena@aol.com
Summary: T'Pring calls Spock to Vulcan. Part 2
**//**//**
marks change of time
Disclaimer:
Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. This story is mine and only fanfiction. No
moneymaking or offence of copyrights is intended. If you are under age or have
a problem with homosexuality, please stay away.
English is
not my native language, please be patient with mistakes. My gratitude to T'Len
for picking out the biggest errors.
All the
things she said 2 *) Part 1
********************
"My
help?" I remember her hand in mine and let go. I watch her - the arrogant
lines of her face are still the same, but there is an almost invisible movement
of muscles beneath the pale skin - as if she has problems to properly control
her expression.
Suddenly
she turns away from me, directing her gaze out of the window. "Did you...
did you bond to somebody, Spock?"
"I can
not see why this is of concern to you."
A slight
shudder runs through her as if she feels cold. "I see," she answers
slowly. "I have no right to ask. Your mental abilities must have been
improved immensely, I am not able to sense anything from you."
"Why
did you call me, T'Pring?" It still takes some effort to speak her name.
"As I
told you - I need your help." She turns half to look at me again.
"This is
leading to nowhere. I think I better go." I watch the restless movement of
her hands, tightly clasped to each other. "I came to Vulcan only to seek
out a healer to assist me in removing the remains of our link. I expect you
have no objection?"
"I..."
She stops, her lips two white lines in her face. "I am a dying woman,
Spock. Help me."
Is she
telling the truth? I dare not to test it over the link. It might open a channel
for her. Or maybe I fear to learn that she really had changed - and her call
for help is no trick. "Why?"
"Because
there is no one else I can ask," she answers evasively.
"I do
not understand." Where is Stonn? I received a message from T'Pau, shortly
after our departure from Vulcan, formally stating that T'Pring and Stonn had
bonded. "I am no doctor. What do you want from me?"
She lifts
her head to look me straight in the eyes. "I am not asking for myself.
There is someone else... my daughter T'Payn."
"What
about your bondmate, Stonn? Presumably she is his daughter, too."
"She
is not. Stonn died shortly after our bonding due an accident," T'Pring
quietly answers.
I did not
expect to hear this. "What about your family? Your clan?"
She shakes
her head. "After the kal-li-farr the clan disowned me - and my parents,
too, as they protested against the decision." Bitterness colours her
voice. "They did not live long through the shame."
To be
disowned from ones clan means the total lost of any social respect. In ancient
times it meant a death sentence. Even considering the things she did to Jim and
myself, it was a punishment too severe. "I did not know."
Puzzlement
shows now in her eyes. "Did T'Pau never tell you? All this happened in her
name."
"I had
no contact to her after I left Vulcan, besides her message regarding your
bonding with Stonn."
Again she
turns away as if to conceal an emotional reaction. "You must not think bad
of him, he loved me since we were children. The decision of my parents to
choose you to my bondmate did never change this - besides you left Vulcan to
live amongst humans... I wonder if it was because of me."
"Your...
assault... was not my main cause to leave Vulcan. It had never truly been home
for me. I am half-human so it seemed to be the logical decision to live on
Earth. Also Starfleet offered me a professional area of occupation I could have
never found on Vulcan."
"It
also offered you... friendship - I think of your Captain, Spock," she
quietly says.
"Yes,
he is my friend," I answer with some reserve. Suddenly this conversation
touches forbidden waters.
"As
you... during your pon farr I received the impression you strongly wished him
to be your mate. Why did you not bond with him? The remaining link between you
and me would have been no obstacle as you well know."
I do not
answer because I have no answer. Yes, there are times I wish to own you in this
way, but also other times I fear a deeper connection. "Did you only call
me to tell me things I already know?"
T'Pring
keeps silent for a moment, her gaze is still directed out of the window.
"No, I did not. I called you to tell you about your daughter." She
turns to watch me.
"My
daughter?" I am almost sure my face shows some of my surprise, because the
ghost of a smile grazes her lips.
"The
child was born two months after you left Vulcan to join Starfleet,"
T'Pring said, again her hands started to move restlessly.
"That
is impossible." Why this lie? "Vulcan males are not fertile outside
pon farr."
"You
are not a Vulcan."
Hearing her
saying this, brings back a wave of unpleasant memories. For a moment I have to
fight to keep my mind on present events instead of recalling the past. "In
this special request my ancestry it is of no concern." Truly not? Due to
my human genes my biology was always different from full-blooded Vulcans. This
fact was only proved by my aborted first pon farr - I should not have lived
through without a bondmate.
"I
went pregnant and I returned to Gol without telling anybody about it. You
remember I have studied with the Masters and according to their rules they gave
me shelter. The birth of the child was formally recorded in the official files
- you will find it there, if you still need confirmation. Shortly afterwards
T'Pau paid a visit to me. She took the child from me and ordered me to leave
Gol. So I returned to my parents home."
"What
happened with the child?" I am still not convinced she is telling the
truth. She really might have changed over the years since we last met, but I
was once mistaken.
"T'Pau
gave her to foster-parents. I was not allowed to see her until she was sixteen.
T'Payn is a beautiful and gifted girl, with the same mind powers as all women
in my family show. And she is healthy."
"Why
should she not be so?" I still do not understand where she is hinting at.
Her eyes
travel to the floor. "Because I am suffering at the effects of a family
illness - a genetic defect, which is passed on through the women of my clan to
male as well as female children." For a moment great tiredness is shown on
T'Prings face. "Some children die directly after birth, but most of them
never get ill. But of course the females will pass it on to the next
generation. When I was a child, the genetic defect was detected and treated. It
is impossible to heal, but there are some ways to delay the outbreak of the
illness and most of the affected persons lived a full life expectancy. Two
years ago, shortly after my bonding to Stonn, it was detected that the genetic
damage had increased dramatically. I have undergone several treatments since,
which brought no lasting effects." Now she lifts her eyes. "I care
very little for my own life, Spock, but I want my... our... child to
live."
There is
hesitation in her voice as she says the last sentence but I am not sure how to
interpret it. "What do you want me to do?" There is still some slight
doubt in me, but I can see no reason why she should lie about the child.
"I
have no rights regarding my daughter. T'Pau prohibits me to contact her since
more than a year - since I told her I would send T'Payn to you after your
return to Earth. She brought her then to Gol and will not allow me to see
her."
"But
T'Payn is a grown woman. She is free to leave Gol - and Vulcan - whenever she
wants to do so," I objected.
T'Pring
shakes her head. "You have lived too long amongst humans, Spock. You have
forgotten about T'Paus power - she forbade T'Payn to leave and so it is
forbidden." Again she looks tired, almost exhausted.
"I do
not understand why T'Pau has such interest in your child. You are not even of
my clan."
"It is
because of you. Do you not know that T'Pau is protecting you since the day of
your birth? She forbade your father to disown you as you left Vulcan to join
Starfleet. She forced me to tell her everything. And she took the child from me
because she never wanted you to even know about T'Payn's existence. I do not
know about her motives, but I think she has always seen you as a bridge between
Vulcan and Earth, like the marriage of your parents."
I feel
somehow disturbed by her words. Until now I did not know that the leader of my
clan had such interest in me. I met T'Pau only once during my childhood and
felt very impressed by her. But I always had the sense to be more of a nuisance
to her - a shame for the clan, because of my human blood. Now for the first
time I understand that my father would have never married a human woman without
T'Paus approval. "What do you want me to do?" I repeat. "Shall I
talk to T'Pau?"
T'Pring
shakes her again head. "No. I will arrange a meeting between you and
T'Payn in two days. I know of ways to communicate to her. Will you take her to
Earth with you when you leave?"
"T'Pring..."
I start to object but she interrupts me.
"Will
you care for her, Spock? It is the only thing I will ever ask from you. Take
her to Earth and care for her."
"What
about T'Pau?"
"She
will accept what she can not change." Sarcasm colours her voice now.
"There is nothing she can take against my person - I am dying." She
looks at me. "I only want my child to be free. I do not want her to suffer
for the wrong I did to you. Will you help me?"
"Yes,
I will." What else could I have possibly said...
With a sigh
T'Pring set down in a chair.
"I
will now leave you alone. You are exhausted."
She nods,
but holds me back as I open the door to leave. "Spock?"
I turn to
look at her. "Yes."
"Will
you ever forgive me?"
"There
is nothing to be forgiven." I feel slightly confused by her words.
"What is past, is past." It is true. Now I am really free of her.
"Maybe
I ask for more than for the past... I want you to remember you forgave
me," she insists.
"I
will."
She closes
her eyes as I agree. Her face is now very pale and I can see, she is in pain. I
leave her house.
* * *
After
securing quarters for the night at a guest house near the space port, I sit
down at the small desk in my room to activate the computer terminal. The
official files with birth announcements are accessible for everybody. T'Pring
told the truth, T'Payn was born two months after my leaving Vulcan. But there
is no data regarding the father of the child.
I leave the
desk to stand by the window. Later I will have to meditate over all the things
T'Pring told me and about what I will do. But this moment is mine - and yours.
Jim, I miss you... I close my eyes and think of you. What ever you do now, I
hope you are happy.
**//**//**
A message
the next morning tells me where to go to meet T'Payn. We could only speak a short
time and agree that T'Payn would come to the space port the next day. I will
leave Vulcan tomorrow without visiting my mother, even if I know she will be
disappointed when she learns about my stay here. I am still not entirely sure
if it would not be better to simply talk to T'Pau. There is really no logical
cause for her to forbade my daughter to leave Vulcan. My daughter. I still feel
disturbed by this thought.
Later that
day I return to T'Prings house, but it is deserted. A letter on the table in
the living room shows my name and I open it.
I know now, it
was wrong to demand kal-li-farr, Spock, but I
was blinded by
the change to take revenge on T'Pau - and on you for
depraving me of all I wanted to have.
I hope you will
ever forgive me. Take T'Payn to Earth or wherever
you think she
will be secure. I have prepared her for this day.
I will go now where
no one can find me and gave myself to the winds.
It is my self
chosen punishment to die alone.
Live long and in
peace, Spock. And find happiness with your Captain.
T'Pring
I go to the
window she mostly stood during talking to me. Outside the desert spreads out,
in some distance mountains rise - I think she might be out there somewhere. And
I hope she finds peace.
Supplement
(two months later):
T'Payn is
now living with my mothers relations on Earth. She adapts very easily to human
ways, with less problems then I had adapting to Vulcan ways. I had no trouble
to take her with me, but to learn some unpleasant news after our return to
Earth. A message from T'Pau stated, that T'Pring again lied to me... It was
true, that the child was taken from her, because she was considered unable to
raise it - but T'Payn is not my daughter!. Genetic tests showed that Stonn is
her father. I now understand T'Prings hesitation to speak of her as our daughter
- and for her request for forgiveness. But I feel no resentment against
T'Pring. I truly have forgiven her.
Even if she
is not my daughter, I still feel responsible for T'Payn, now since both of her
parents are dead. T'Pring was right, she is a very gifted young woman and at my
last visit she asked me to inform her about a career within Starfleet,
following my footsteps. I informed her about everything that happened between
her mother and me - and also about not being her father. I think she has every right
to know the truth.
Jim and I
made our relationship officially known some time ago. It is of course less than
a bonding, but more than we had before. We often meld and I know, he is much
happier now. And I think I am, too.
end
*) Title inspired
(stolen) from t.a.t.u.
...All the
things she said
Running
through my head
All the
things she said
Running
through my head
All the
things she said
This is not
enough...