Title:                All the things she said 2

Author: Lady Charena

Series:              (a/r)TOS - shortly after the five-year-mission

Codes:              POV S: S/T'Pring, [K/S]

Rating:             PG


Feedback:         I'd love to get - LadyCharena@aol.com


Summary:         T'Pring calls Spock to Vulcan. Part 2


**//**//** marks change of time




Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. This story is mine and only fanfiction. No moneymaking or offence of copyrights is intended. If you are under age or have a problem with homosexuality, please stay away.


English is not my native language, please be patient with mistakes. My gratitude to T'Len for picking out the biggest errors.




All the things she said 2 *)                                            Part 1



"My help?" I remember her hand in mine and let go. I watch her - the arrogant lines of her face are still the same, but there is an almost invisible movement of muscles beneath the pale skin - as if she has problems to properly control her expression.


Suddenly she turns away from me, directing her gaze out of the window. "Did you... did you bond to somebody, Spock?"


"I can not see why this is of concern to you."


A slight shudder runs through her as if she feels cold. "I see," she answers slowly. "I have no right to ask. Your mental abilities must have been improved immensely, I am not able to sense anything from you." 


"Why did you call me, T'Pring?" It still takes some effort to speak her name.


"As I told you - I need your help." She turns half to look at me again.


"This is leading to nowhere. I think I better go." I watch the restless movement of her hands, tightly clasped to each other. "I came to Vulcan only to seek out a healer to assist me in removing the remains of our link. I expect you have no objection?"


"I..." She stops, her lips two white lines in her face. "I am a dying woman, Spock. Help me."


Is she telling the truth? I dare not to test it over the link. It might open a channel for her. Or maybe I fear to learn that she really had changed - and her call for help is no trick. "Why?"


"Because there is no one else I can ask," she answers evasively.


"I do not understand." Where is Stonn? I received a message from T'Pau, shortly after our departure from Vulcan, formally stating that T'Pring and Stonn had bonded. "I am no doctor. What do you want from me?"


She lifts her head to look me straight in the eyes. "I am not asking for myself. There is someone else... my daughter T'Payn."


"What about your bondmate, Stonn? Presumably she is his daughter, too."


"She is not. Stonn died shortly after our bonding due an accident," T'Pring quietly answers.


I did not expect to hear this. "What about your family? Your clan?"


She shakes her head. "After the kal-li-farr the clan disowned me - and my parents, too, as they protested against the decision." Bitterness colours her voice. "They did not live long through the shame."


To be disowned from ones clan means the total lost of any social respect. In ancient times it meant a death sentence. Even considering the things she did to Jim and myself, it was a punishment too severe. "I did not know."


Puzzlement shows now in her eyes. "Did T'Pau never tell you? All this happened in her name."


"I had no contact to her after I left Vulcan, besides her message regarding your bonding with Stonn."


Again she turns away as if to conceal an emotional reaction. "You must not think bad of him, he loved me since we were children. The decision of my parents to choose you to my bondmate did never change this - besides you left Vulcan to live amongst humans... I wonder if it was because of me."


"Your... assault... was not my main cause to leave Vulcan. It had never truly been home for me. I am half-human so it seemed to be the logical decision to live on Earth. Also Starfleet offered me a professional area of occupation I could have never found on Vulcan."


"It also offered you... friendship - I think of your Captain, Spock," she quietly says.


"Yes, he is my friend," I answer with some reserve. Suddenly this conversation touches forbidden waters.


"As you... during your pon farr I received the impression you strongly wished him to be your mate. Why did you not bond with him? The remaining link between you and me would have been no obstacle as you well know."


I do not answer because I have no answer. Yes, there are times I wish to own you in this way, but also other times I fear a deeper connection. "Did you only call me to tell me things I already know?"


T'Pring keeps silent for a moment, her gaze is still directed out of the window. "No, I did not. I called you to tell you about your daughter." She turns to watch me.


"My daughter?" I am almost sure my face shows some of my surprise, because the ghost of a smile grazes her lips.


"The child was born two months after you left Vulcan to join Starfleet," T'Pring said, again her hands started to move restlessly.


"That is impossible." Why this lie? "Vulcan males are not fertile outside pon farr."


"You are not a Vulcan."


Hearing her saying this, brings back a wave of unpleasant memories. For a moment I have to fight to keep my mind on present events instead of recalling the past. "In this special request my ancestry it is of no concern." Truly not? Due to my human genes my biology was always different from full-blooded Vulcans. This fact was only proved by my aborted first pon farr - I should not have lived through without a bondmate.


"I went pregnant and I returned to Gol without telling anybody about it. You remember I have studied with the Masters and according to their rules they gave me shelter. The birth of the child was formally recorded in the official files - you will find it there, if you still need confirmation. Shortly afterwards T'Pau paid a visit to me. She took the child from me and ordered me to leave Gol. So I returned to my parents home."


"What happened with the child?" I am still not convinced she is telling the truth. She really might have changed over the years since we last met, but I was once mistaken.


"T'Pau gave her to foster-parents. I was not allowed to see her until she was sixteen. T'Payn is a beautiful and gifted girl, with the same mind powers as all women in my family show. And she is healthy."


"Why should she not be so?" I still do not understand where she is hinting at.


Her eyes travel to the floor. "Because I am suffering at the effects of a family illness - a genetic defect, which is passed on through the women of my clan to male as well as female children." For a moment great tiredness is shown on T'Prings face. "Some children die directly after birth, but most of them never get ill. But of course the females will pass it on to the next generation. When I was a child, the genetic defect was detected and treated. It is impossible to heal, but there are some ways to delay the outbreak of the illness and most of the affected persons lived a full life expectancy. Two years ago, shortly after my bonding to Stonn, it was detected that the genetic damage had increased dramatically. I have undergone several treatments since, which brought no lasting effects." Now she lifts her eyes. "I care very little for my own life, Spock, but I want my... our... child to live."


There is hesitation in her voice as she says the last sentence but I am not sure how to interpret it. "What do you want me to do?" There is still some slight doubt in me, but I can see no reason why she should lie about the child.


"I have no rights regarding my daughter. T'Pau prohibits me to contact her since more than a year - since I told her I would send T'Payn to you after your return to Earth. She brought her then to Gol and will not allow me to see her."


"But T'Payn is a grown woman. She is free to leave Gol - and Vulcan - whenever she wants to do so," I objected.


T'Pring shakes her head. "You have lived too long amongst humans, Spock. You have forgotten about T'Paus power - she forbade T'Payn to leave and so it is forbidden." Again she looks tired, almost exhausted.


"I do not understand why T'Pau has such interest in your child. You are not even of my clan."


"It is because of you. Do you not know that T'Pau is protecting you since the day of your birth? She forbade your father to disown you as you left Vulcan to join Starfleet. She forced me to tell her everything. And she took the child from me because she never wanted you to even know about T'Payn's existence. I do not know about her motives, but I think she has always seen you as a bridge between Vulcan and Earth, like the marriage of your parents."


I feel somehow disturbed by her words. Until now I did not know that the leader of my clan had such interest in me. I met T'Pau only once during my childhood and felt very impressed by her. But I always had the sense to be more of a nuisance to her - a shame for the clan, because of my human blood. Now for the first time I understand that my father would have never married a human woman without T'Paus approval. "What do you want me to do?" I repeat. "Shall I talk to T'Pau?"


T'Pring shakes her again head. "No. I will arrange a meeting between you and T'Payn in two days. I know of ways to communicate to her. Will you take her to Earth with you when you leave?"


"T'Pring..." I start to object but she interrupts me.


"Will you care for her, Spock? It is the only thing I will ever ask from you. Take her to Earth and care for her."


"What about T'Pau?"


"She will accept what she can not change." Sarcasm colours her voice now. "There is nothing she can take against my person - I am dying." She looks at me. "I only want my child to be free. I do not want her to suffer for the wrong I did to you. Will you help me?"


"Yes, I will." What else could I have possibly said...


With a sigh T'Pring set down in a chair.


"I will now leave you alone. You are exhausted."


She nods, but holds me back as I open the door to leave. "Spock?"


I turn to look at her. "Yes."


"Will you ever forgive me?"


"There is nothing to be forgiven." I feel slightly confused by her words. "What is past, is past." It is true. Now I am really free of her.


"Maybe I ask for more than for the past... I want you to remember you forgave me," she insists.


"I will."


She closes her eyes as I agree. Her face is now very pale and I can see, she is in pain. I leave her house.


* * *


After securing quarters for the night at a guest house near the space port, I sit down at the small desk in my room to activate the computer terminal. The official files with birth announcements are accessible for everybody. T'Pring told the truth, T'Payn was born two months after my leaving Vulcan. But there is no data regarding the father of the child.


I leave the desk to stand by the window. Later I will have to meditate over all the things T'Pring told me and about what I will do. But this moment is mine - and yours. Jim, I miss you... I close my eyes and think of you. What ever you do now, I hope you are happy.




A message the next morning tells me where to go to meet T'Payn. We could only speak a short time and agree that T'Payn would come to the space port the next day. I will leave Vulcan tomorrow without visiting my mother, even if I know she will be disappointed when she learns about my stay here. I am still not entirely sure if it would not be better to simply talk to T'Pau. There is really no logical cause for her to forbade my daughter to leave Vulcan. My daughter. I still feel disturbed by this thought.


Later that day I return to T'Prings house, but it is deserted. A letter on the table in the living room shows my name and I open it.


                             I know now, it was wrong to demand kal-li-farr, Spock, but I

                             was blinded by the change to take revenge on T'Pau - and on you for

   depraving me of all I wanted to have.

                             I hope you will ever forgive me. Take T'Payn to Earth or wherever

                             you think she will be secure. I have prepared her for this day.

                             I will go now where no one can find me and gave myself to the winds.

                             It is my self chosen punishment to die alone.

                             Live long and in peace, Spock. And find happiness with your Captain.




I go to the window she mostly stood during talking to me. Outside the desert spreads out, in some distance mountains rise - I think she might be out there somewhere. And I hope she finds peace.





Supplement (two months later):


T'Payn is now living with my mothers relations on Earth. She adapts very easily to human ways, with less problems then I had adapting to Vulcan ways. I had no trouble to take her with me, but to learn some unpleasant news after our return to Earth. A message from T'Pau stated, that T'Pring again lied to me... It was true, that the child was taken from her, because she was considered unable to raise it - but T'Payn is not my daughter!. Genetic tests showed that Stonn is her father. I now understand T'Prings hesitation to speak of her as our daughter - and for her request for forgiveness. But I feel no resentment against T'Pring. I truly have forgiven her.


Even if she is not my daughter, I still feel responsible for T'Payn, now since both of her parents are dead. T'Pring was right, she is a very gifted young woman and at my last visit she asked me to inform her about a career within Starfleet, following my footsteps. I informed her about everything that happened between her mother and me - and also about not being her father. I think she has every right to know the truth.


Jim and I made our relationship officially known some time ago. It is of course less than a bonding, but more than we had before. We often meld and I know, he is much happier now. And I think I am, too.




*) Title inspired (stolen) from t.a.t.u.


...All the things she said

Running through my head

All the things she said

Running through my head

All the things she said

This is not enough...