"Too Much"

 

by Jimaine

 

Reply to the 5-min-challenge of May 16th…got to take care of them before they start piling up.

Probably the shortest non-drabble I've ever written.

Thanks to Jann Arden's 'Cherry Popsicle' for inspiration – the tune's wonderfully melancholic.

Don't know where this came from. Here's to Beej, king of a certain river in Egypt. And I *so*

owe Michaela now…

 

Pairing: Hawk/B.J.

Archive: mash-slash, of course, furthermore T'Len's & Lady Charena's story-sanctuary. As for

others who want it. Just ask and ye shall receive.

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, though I wouldn't say no if 20th Century Fox offered them to me.

Which they won't do. So I'm just using them in a bit of non-profit fun.

 

 

**********

 

In time, maybe it'll mean less – or so I hope.

How could you do this to me?

Why didn't you stop me for my own good? Told me off, turned me away with a pat on the back

and a 'Sweet dreams. See you in the morning'. As a friend, you damn well should have.

I took you in like oxygen…that night, you were like no one I'd ever seen.

Or kissed.

Believe me, I've never been so far gone. If I went on with this, it would mean something. It's not

possible for me to let it *not* mean something. And it tears me apart. I'd hoped that by now

you'd understand that about me, Hawk. I either love, or I don't…

 

And even a little meaning would already be too much. With you, everything is 'too much'.

 

Caring too much.

Drinking too much.

Feeling too much.

Hurting too much.

Missing too much.

Needing too much.

Seeing too much.

Loving –…

Even thinking about it terrifies me.

I can't do this without letting it mean something.

And I don't want it to mean *any*thing.

At least not more than it already means…to both of us.

Go ahead and watch me fail even at this simple task of denial.

I don't want...to want...

With you, it would be wanting too much.

 

 

FINIS