Title: Moments... 1/1

Author: Lady Charena

Series: TOS

Rating: R

Codes: K/S, ft (a touch of h/c)

Feedback: Yes, please. <LadyCharena@aol.com>

Summary: Spock proposed his Captain.

Note: A change in time (memories) is marked like this *//*//*//*

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns all Star Trek. I borrowed just a part of it to play. The story is mine - no moneymaking or offence of copyrights intended.

I love my two Boys and I love them most when they're together. So if you're underage or offended by the idea of m/m-relations and -sex, please move on to a more suitable story.

Please be patient with any errors, English is not my native language. My thanks to my dear beta T'Boy.

Moments...

* * * * * * * * * * *

LadyCharena Dec. 2000

Hot water trickled down his chest.

Closing his eyes, he relaxed against the rim of the smooth marble bathtub. Revelling in the cool stone against his skin. His arms floated free at his sides.

He soaked in the quiet; the only sounds in the room his slow breath, the soft bubble of the water, the almost inaudible hum of the heater.

The last trace of tension, of exhaustion, left his body and slowly even his mind relaxed. And his thoughts travelled back - another time, another space...

* // * // * // *

It had been close.

Too close, even for his liking. It was always the same...

It started with what was meant to be a routine away mission. The planet had been mapped over fifty years ago, and Starfleet now required updated sensor readings and observations. The Enterprise's library computer databanks were filled with hundreds of similar updates.

After beaming down, they split up. Sulu and another crewmember followed a twisted part through the underbrush. Spock and he headed in the opposite direction to explore a little valley.

It was quiet as they arrived at the valley, embedded between soft sloping green hills. Maybe too quiet? Who could have foreseen...

* // * // * // *

He almost laughed, remembering this. Of course, he could have. It always started this way.

With a weary sigh, sounding very much like a strangled sob, he splashed his face with water as if to wash the memories away. And of course, he couldn't...

// * // * // *

They worked in compatible silence, enjoying the fresh air, and the company of each other. The environment was similar to Earth but with significant differences, and was an interesting study.

Spock had moved a few steps away, sitting on the thick mat of grass

to study the tricorder readings.

They had had some particular draining missions in the last few weeks and he felt utterly exhausted. And Jim felt it hadn't been such a bad idea to beam down himself to investigate this little paradise.

There was a rustle in the leaves. It could have been the wind - a sudden breeze, even if it was an otherwise calm day.

Shielding his eyes with his hand, he automatically lifted his head to gaze into a cloudless sky. Little animals, similar to Earth's birds, sailed high above them. Two of them seemed to fight for something one carried. Attacked by the other, the animal dropped his prize and the third participant caught it in mid-flight. With a triumphant sound, he fled into the opposite direction, closely followed by the others - now allies.

He laughed as his gaze followed them and he took a few steps backward.

Spock lifted his head to look at his Captain, a silent smile in his eyes.

And suddenly there was no ground beneath the human's feet anymore. He stumbled, his hands reaching out for help, support - but there was nothing to hold on to!

He tumbled backwards into the well-hidden entrance to the trap. As he bumped his head against the hard edge of a stone, he lost consciousness.

* * *

A sound roused him. He tried to move, but his head spun madly and he stilled.

He blinked and there was a movement at his right side. A familiar figure kneeled beside him. Spock...

"What...?" he managed a hoarse croak, calling the Vulcan's attention.

"Hush, Jim. Please do not try to move. Be silent. I called the ship. Doctor McCoy is on his way."

He blinked again, his eyes slowly becoming used to the dim light in the... cave?

"'S this... a cave, Spock?"

"Yes. Actually it is the home of a rather large animal, very similar to terran desert spiders."

He made a questioning sound, feeling too tired to manage more. But more was not necessary between the two of them.

"It is... dead. I... had to kill it to protect your life." There was pain in the Vulcan's voice - to have killed, even to save life... and something more. 'Failure', rang in Spock's words.

Somehow, he summoned the strength to lift his hand arm and close his fingers around Spock's arm.

"Not your fault... my clumsiness..." he whispered, trying to soothe the pain he knew the other felt.

And this time - unlike the times before as Jim offered comfort - the Vulcan didn't draw back. He allowed the touch, actually leaned into it as if he needed the strength so freely provided.

"You okay?"

His eyes, now fully used to the dim light, travelled the features of his best friend. A deep scratch marred the right side of Spock's face.

"Spock, you're hurt."

"It is nothing, Jim, just a superficial wound. The bleeding already stopped."

Distant steps. Spock lifted his head to listen. "McCoy," he stated.

And then... Jim would never forget this one moment in his whole life... Spock bending his head and kissing him... a soft, undemanding, loving kiss.

The next moment the Vulcan straightened again and went to his feet.

Jim closed his eyes.

And then - McCoy was here, fussing over his carelessness. He didn't bother to answer. His lips still tingled.

* * *

He had not been in too bad a shape. A mild concussion, a lot of scratches and bruises from the fall, a sprained wrist. So McCoy released him from sickbay after advising him strongly to stay in bed the rest of the day.

Spock had returned to the planet after McCoy threw him out - complaining about 'not needing any audience'.

After checking with the bridge and Sulu, who was temporarily in command, he decided to heed the doctor's advice for once. His head - correction, his whole body - hurt and he really needed a shower, still smelling the penetrating odour of the animal.

Freshly showered he climbed into bed, waving the lights down to a soft glow. It was very much like in the cave... when Spock had kissed him...

He reclined into the cushions behind his back. Well, he wasn't by far a blushing virgin when it came to male lovers. But Spock?

He couldn't quite picture himself with the Vulcan, whispering sweet nothings into one of those sexy pointed ears.

Hey, where had this thought come from? But... hell, Spock *was* handsome. And in an alien, exotic way very desirable - with his slender build, the gracious movements, his stern features.

But... and there was a whole bunch of 'buts' to consider...

He really cared for the Vulcan; Spock was his closest friend. They also shared a well functioning working relationship.

Was it worth the risk to lose this easy understanding with Spock?

And - was it what Spock wanted? Maybe he jumped to conclusions...

* * *

He waited another day, and then invited the Vulcan for dinner and a game of chess.

They managed dinner without any awkwardness or unease.

Finally, settled at the table they used for their chess sessions, Jim lifted his head. He pretended to consider their game but instead gazed at the silent Vulcan.

While Spock moved a figure, Jim played with a pawn.

Kirk cleared his throat. "Spock?" he asked.

The Vulcan lifted his eyes, to meet his gaze. "Jim?"

Had his voice always caressed this single word like this...?

"Why did you kiss me in the cave?"

Spock's answer was simple. "Because I desired to do so."

Kirk got up, approached him and smiled. "And now?" he asked tentatively, reaching for the Vulcan's shoulders. "What are you desiring now?"

Thin, hot lips claimed his.

* // * // * // * // *

And this was how they became lovers five weeks ago. An affair... nothing more. When it would be over, neither would have regrets.

Now they enjoyed shore leave in a rather exclusive hotel on Argelius. Spock meditated in the living room of their rented suite. Jim had decided to make use of the big round tub the bathroom offered.

He needed to think about some things.

Sex with the Vulcan was great and very satisfying. He seldom had had a lover as inventive and sensuous as Spock. Who would have thought he had it in him...

But he found himself increasingly unable to continue like this. He had fallen in love with the Vulcan, 'utterly, completely, helplessly... And that scared him, not to say - it scared him shitless.

* * *

Jim didn't open his eyes as the Vulcan entered the room.

Spock settled behind him on the rim of the tub, both hands on his shoulders and bent his head to place a kiss on his forehead.

"I know you are awake, Jim," he said.

Kirk opened one eye. "What gave me away?"

The Vulcan slid a hand along his body and into the water, brushing the heavy erection between the human's legs.

Jim pressed against the touch of a hot, stroking hand, but Spock withdrew his fingers after a moment.

"Always so impatient," he whispered and resumed his former position, sitting behind the human on the rim of the tub. "Relax." His hands returned to the human's shoulders and started to massage him.

With a heavy sigh, Jim leaned into the touch. "You're a sadist..." he complained in mock seriousness.

"I know," the Vulcan answered almost automatically, concentrating on the pain he could sense in his t'hy'la.

"Jim is... anything wrong?" he asked as the human started to relax beneath his hands. "You are troubled."

"How did you..."? Kirk turned in the tub and came to his knees, splashing water over the rim. "Is this how you honour your promised not to intrude on my thoughts?" he asked sharply.

Spock grabbed his upper arms. "I did not intrude on your thoughts," he said very calm, very cold.

After a moment, he released the human and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "It is not necessary," he explained, his voice flat. " I can always sense your moods." He got up and turned to leave the room.

"Spock... wait. Please."

Jim climbed out of the tub, reaching for him. "Please. Stay. I'm sorry. I... overreacted." He hugged the Vulcan close to his body, not caring that he soaked Spock's robe.

Something seemed wrong - Jim clung to him like a drowning man. Spock slid his arms around the human's waist and returned the embrace. "I am here, t'hy'la."

Suddenly Jim stepped back and brushed the wet hair out of his flustered face. "Sorry," he said. "I..."

He stopped uneasily.

Spock slipped out of his soaked robe. "I feel somewhat chilled," he explained and lowered himself into the tub, adjusting the temperature more to his liking. "Will you not join me?"

"You really never cease to amaze me, Spock," Jim said as he sat next to the Vulcan.

* * *

For some time they soaked in silence. Then Spock turned his head to gaze at his human.

Jim met his eyes, but only for a moment. "I'd rather not speak now," he said, moving closer to the Vulcan. He slowly stroked the tender skin on the inside of Spock's thigh. "I'd rather not speak at all."

He urged the Vulcan to sit on the rim of the tub and lean against the wall.

Spock squirmed a little, the tiles were uncomfortably cool against his heated skin, but he fast forgot about the inconvenience, as Jim licked along the length of his erect penis.

With a sigh he slipped his hands into the wet hair of his human, holding him steady as Jim started to suck him.

* * *

Later they settled side by side in the spacious bed.

Jim got up on one elbow, while Spock reclined on his back. Their eyes met and Jim stretched out a hand to trace Spock's lips.

The Vulcan took his hand. "Will you not tell me what troubles you, t'hy'la?" he asked gently.

Jim flinched and pulled his hand back; he rolled on his back to stare to the ceiling. "You're not the one to back down, right?"

"Did you ever know me to be less than persistent?"

Jim seemed not to listen. "I'm in love with you," he said quietly.

"I know, t'hy'la."

"You don't understand. I'm in love with you... really..."

"And this scares you." It was no question...

Jim turned his head. "You knew...?"

Spock's eyes met his, calm and full of acceptance. "I know this fear. Jim, as a child I was taught to control - to suppress - any emotion. To do otherwise was considered an illness. Sometimes I smiled or even laughed."

"But this is..."

"Human, yes. And therefore undesirable. Obviously a fault in myself. I worked hard to prove that my humanity... was just a biological fact - but without any actual meaning. I had to be Vulcan. And I *was* Vulcan."

Jim touched his shoulder, reacting to the pain in the others words. "Spock..."

But the Vulcan shook his head. "Please let me finish, Jim." His fingers came over the human's, holding them in place.

"Most of my life I was alone. And I never knew... that a part of me was missing. I feared the intensity of human feelings. And I was scared as I learned my feelings for you."

"But this has changed?" Jim asked with renewed hope in his voice.

"Yes."

"What happened?", the human inquired.

"You happened."

Kirk swallowed. "Spock, this was ... I think, this was the nicest thing anyone ever said to me." He cleared his throat. "But why didn't you talk with me? I thought you weren't interested in a lasting relationship."

"If I had come to you and told you about my feelings, my desire to bond with you - what would your reaction have been?"

Jim gazed at their intertwined fingers. "I would have... I'm not sure. Maybe thought you'd lost your mind."

"Yes, that's why I approached you in this manner. If the feelings I sensed from you had truly been superficial, I would at least have had some memories."

"I didn't know myself," Jim confessed. " It was curiosity that induced me to follow your lead in this." He avoided Spock's gaze.

"And now?" the Vulcan asked gently.

"I love you." Jim said, pulling Spock's hand to his lips.

Spock closed his eyes for a moment, his features relaxed.

"You waited to hear this, right?" Jim asked.

"Longer than I care to know."

He smiled about this uncharacteristically vague remark from his otherwise so accurate Vulcan. But his face was serious. "You... Spock, you said you desired to bond with me. Is this true?"

"Yes, t'hy'la."

The same seriousness was reflected in the Vulcan's voice.

"I need some time to take this all in, Spock. But I love you."

"I know. And for the moment, it is enough."

-end-