Longing 1/1



Author:           Lady Charena <LadyCharena@aol.com>

Series:           post-TOS

Part:               NEW 1/1

Rating:           R

Codes:           K/S


Feedback: I'd like feedback very much. Please mail me at <LadyCharena@aol.com>


Summary: An unexpected guest on Kirk's wedding party.

Note: This is the sequel to "Lost dreams".


Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to have some fun with the Boys. The story is mine and only fanfiction - no moneymaking or offence of copyrights intended.

If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex - sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient with any errors - English is not my native language. My deepest gratitude to my beta T’Len and to T’Boy, who did again a great job to correct my mistakes. If there are any left, blame me.



Longing 1/1


by Lady Charena



The reception took place in a house they rented for this occasion, outside the city. Of course, they would live near HQ in the future.


He watched the steady flow of guests, looking for his newly married wife. At last he spotted her in the midst of her friends, which made the majority of the guests. It had been a perfect wedding, like everything she put her mind to. He took a sip from his drink, searching for familiar faces. McCoy had promised to show up.

* * *

Jim turned his attention back to the room, as there was a moment of silence, caused from a newly arriving guest.


This one was certainly no friend of the bride... it was Spock.


Kirk put his glass down, involuntarily backing up. Spock...


His hair was longer now, covering the neck. He wore plain black pants and a black tunic, stitched with silver symbols. Something very formal... if it hadn't clung like that to his body, outlining his slender, muscular build.


He had never seen Spock seen like this before - wearing something that provocative... that sensual. He was breathtaking... And he wasn't alone.


A young man accompanied the Vulcan, brown hair, blue eyes, slender - handsome.


Jim watched in disbelief, as they spotted him and turned in his direction. He suppressed a sudden streak of jealousy. 'Spock was his...'


But he wasn't his anymore. Jim gazed into dark eyes, unreadable, reserved.


"May I offer my congratulations on your marriage, Admiral."


The familiar voice startled him from his dreamlike state. "Thanks Spock. To be honest, I didn't expect you to show up her."

He directed his words to Spock, but his eyes were on the man, standing beside the Vulcan.


Spock followed his gaze. "This is Nik," he said casually.


"Admiral." The human spoke for the first time since his arrival. "Nice to meet you."


Jim ignored his outstretched hand, his eyes returned to the calm Vulcan. "May... may I have a word with you? In private?"


The Vulcan nodded, following him in a somewhat quieter corner of the room.


"Who is he?" Jim asked, his voice cold, demanding.


Spock gazed at him. "A friend," he answered after a moment.


Jim followed every movement of the young man. "How long have you know him?"


"I do not know what importance this..."


"How long?" cut in the human.


"Two month, nine days..."


Jim stopped him with an irritated gesture. "Thanks, but I think I can do it without the hours and minutes," he snapped ironically.


Spock cleared his throat. "I think it is better, if we go now." He started to turn, but the human grabbed his arm.


"Stay Spock. Please." He tried to smile. "I didn't mean this the way I said. Of course you don't have to go. I was... just surprised."


"But you sent me an invitation, Jim."


Had he? Jim closed his eyes for a moment. "I am sorry", he said, his voice low. "The last days have been very strenuous. A lot of preparations for the wedding in very little time." He suddenly remembered his grip on Spock's arm and jerked his hand back. "Bones is here, too. And some other old friends. Stay as long as you like."


Spock sized him up. "If it pleases you." With this he turned, to join Nik.


* * *


Somebody asked him something - and he remembered once more his surroundings, his guests. His party.  But Jim found it difficult to concentrate and finished the conversation as soon as possible.


Lori talked still with her friends. He searched the room for other familiar faces.


But after a while, his gaze settled again on Spock. He hadn't seen much of him these last six months. There had been two or three meetings they attended together. Hardly time and room for a private word.

Not, that he sought an opportunity. There *was* nothing, he could say or do - to mend the crack between the two of them...



And now this Nik. He never thought of having another male lover after Spock. He dared not... too many painful memories. And he never imagined Spock to have an...


A familiar voice cut into his musings.


"Now, that's interesting. You didn't expect him to mourn over you for the rest of his life, did you?"


Jim turned, to meet the eyes of Dr. McCoy. "Now I know what I've missed. Your nice, friendly way of saying hello," he said sarcastically.


The physician shrugged. "Somebody has to do all the dirty work," he answered. "Tell me why you gaze at Spock like the proverbial jealous husband."


Jim smiled at him, his cheeks flushed. "Do I?" he asked. "I thought, I..."


He never finished the sentence, because in spite of his words, he never stopped watching the Vulcan, while he talked to McCoy. He turned, feeling a sudden anger about this impudent guy, laying his arm around Spock's waist, at if it was his right... steering the Vulcan into the direction of a dancing group. 'But Spock does not dance.'



Something tore inside him and he started to cross the room.


"Jim! Stop this."


Somebody grabbed his arm. He turned. It was McCoy, watching him in disbelief.


Kirk shook his head, to clear the red haze from his mind. "What happened?" he asked, his words hesitant and slightly blurred, like he was waking from a nightmare.


"That's exactly my question," McCoy grabbed his shoulders and shook him once. "You're rushing through the room like an avenger... I thought, you were going to pick a fight."


"I wanted..." Kirk stopped, hiding his face in both hands. "All I wanted, was..."


"For heaven's sake - what, Jim? A fight over Spock? Maybe you're a bit overworked." McCoy's ironic words cut like a knife through the turmoil in his mind.


He lifted his head. "Is this your medical diagnosis?" he answered listless.


"No, this is a friend's diagnosis. As a physician I would prefer to have you in my clinic tomorrow." McCoy took his arm, steering him to the door.


"Hey, I can't..."


"You can," the physician cut in. "I think you need some fresh air. They won't miss you if you take a few minutes out."


* * *


Jim threw himself onto the first step, hiding again his face in his hands.


"So, I'd like to have an explanation. The long version, if possible." He got no answer. "I suppose you're not drunk. Hell, Jim - what's wrong with you?"


Slowly Kirk lifted his head. "Spock," he said.


McCoy shook his head. "Spock, who would have thought?" he murmured sarcastically to himself. "Jim, you parted from him years ago. Remember? This is your wedding party. You married Lori today." He got no answer from his friend. "What's going on between the two of you, Jim?"


"I wanted to beat that smile from his face," Kirk whispered after a while, gazing at his hands. "All I wanted, was..." He came to his feet, started to pace around.


"whose, Jim?" McCoy watched his movements. "Spock?"


Jim shook his head. "No, this... guy."


"I suppose you're speaking of Nik?"


Jim turned to size him up. "You knew of this?"


The physician shrugged. "Actually I did. Spock and I met a couple of weeks ago. He asked for advice."


"Spock asked you for advice? You can't be serious." Jim gazed at him with open disbelief, throwing himself again on the steps. "What advice?" he asked tensely.


McCoy met his eyes with cool refusal. "You won't get this from me, Jim. I'm Spock's friend, too. And Nik is really nice, if you get to know him."


"But... I never thought, he would..."


"What? Have a new relationship? Did you think you're the only one supposed to seek a new mate? He has reason enough to do so."


* * *


"May I be of assistance?" A calm voice cut in. Spock stood in the open door, his features unreadable.


McCoy left them with a last warning glaze in Jim's direction. Closing the door behind him, he sighed. He could only hope it had been a good idea, to leave the two of them alone...


"Dr. McCoy?" He lifted his head, as Nik went to him. "Have you seen Spock? He's gone."


McCoy took his arm to steer him away from the door. "He has some private talk with the Admiral. Come on, Nik. I think it's better to leave them alone at the time being."


* * *


"Spock, I..." He broke, as the Vulcan came down the stairs.


"Yes, Jim? What is wrong with you?" He stopped, as the human retreated another step from him.


"Why..." Jim cleared his throat. "Why did you come?"


The Vulcan crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You invited me. And Nik has this human habit of being curious."


"So, Nik," Jim echoed, a heavy weight seemed to settle over him, making it nearly impossible to breath. He turned.




Spock went to him, near enough for the human to feel the higher body temperature.


"What does he mean to you?" No answer. Jim turned slowly. "What does he mean to you?" This time it was a plea...


"He is not like you. I suppose, this is, what I suppose this is what you want to hear?" Spock met his gaze. "But, he is all I have now."


"You do love him..." Jim averted his face, unable to keep the sudden stab of pain from showing.


"I am a Vulcan."


The human laughed, a very bitter, very cold sound. "How could I forget!" he said ironically. But suddenly he lifted his head. "Spock, I... I am sorry. I didn't meant to..." He rubbed both hands over his tired face. "You've changed. Your hair, your clothes."


"I never knew you to set great store by such things," the Vulcan replied calmly.


"You've changed so much." Jim lifted slowly his head. "For a long time I didn't allow myself to see you like this. Spock, I..."


"I think, there is no use to continue with this discussion," Spock cut in. He started to turn, but Jim grabbed his arm.


"Wait," he said. "Please, Spock, I've missed you. I need you in my life - every day."


A shadow crossed the stern features. "Maybe we can be friends again, Jim... one day."


"No." Jim shook his head. "I don't want to be your friend. I want more from you."


Spock reached for his hand, to loosen his grip. "It is too late for more, Jim."


"Why?" the human demanded to know. "Because of Nik?" He cupped the familiar face in both hands. Bending his head, to capture the thin lips with his, he whispered. "I cannot live without you..." Everything else was forgotten - time, space - and the fact, he was married to a woman, he thought once he loved more than his life...




This stopped him. He opened his eyes, looking over Spock's shoulder to the house. Lori was standing in the front door.


He jerked his hands back, a mask seemed to fall over his features, as went to her. "Lori." He smiled, as he hugged her, whispering something in her ear. She laughed, as she went back into the house.


He turned to Spock, finding his answer in dark eyes.


"Because of me. It is too late, Jim."


For a moment he gazed at the Vulcan, then nodded once and went back into the house. To his wife.

Spock closed his eyes.


"Spock?" There was a movement in the shadows of the entrance. Nik stood there. "Is everything al right with you?"


The Vulcan lifted his head. "Yes, Nik. I think, it is better, if we leave now."



                                                                                  to be continued...



A second try to end this.

But a second time I failed.

So you'll have to take in another part, to

see the end of this.


CU Lady Charena



continued in                           The Call