Title:                      Dear Diary... 1/1


Author:                 Lady Charena

Series:                    TOS

Rating:                   R

Codes:                   ?/Ch, K/S implied, POV

Feedback: Yes, please. <LadyCharena@aol.com>


Summary: Somebody makes an entry into a dairy…

Note: Well, surely not *my* usual pairing... and I withheld to whom

I referred till the end of the story - but see for yourself.


Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns all Star Trek. I borrowed just a

part of it to play. The story is mine - no moneymaking or offence of

copyrights intended. This story contains slash (implied). If you're

underage or offended by the idea of same sex -relations and -sex,

please move on to a more suitable story.


Please be patient with any errors, English is not my native language. My thanks to my dear beta T'Boy.


Dear Diary…


Lady Charena Dec. 2000


...it strikes me funny, that I still stick to Earth’s calendar, even after all these years in space. Maybe it’s some kind of homesickness...



But I’m stalling, I know.


Today Mr. Spock was released from sickbay. The Captain was on the bridge when Dr. McCoy called. I saw him smiling and shifting in his chair and had to suppress a grin over  his impatience. Ever since their bonding ceremony almost three years ago, he always shows the same behaviour when Mr. Spock gets hurt.


After the end of my shift I went down to sickbay, because I knew she would need somebody to talk to. It was late and I encountered only McCoy on my way, he was just leaving sickbay. He smiled, but his face and voice were serious and he touched my shoulder for emphasis. “I’m glad you’re here for Christine,” he said. “She’s taking it hard.”


I just nodded and watched him walking away. He’s known Christine for as long as I have, and he cares for her, and she has always been a good friend to him. He had a hard time three years ago, when the Captain and Mr. Spock broke the news of their relationship. I think, he and Jim Kirk had some history, long ago. And Christine, well... no one better understands than the one who experiences the same. Christine with her unhappy love for the Vulcan. Even his bonding to the Captain couldn’t change anything. She’s still suffering.


And so am I. She knows me to be her friend. But I...


She went through some reports on her desk as I entered her office. It's smaller than McCoy's but it's never untidy like the CMO's.


I knocked against the frame of the door to get her attention. She lifted her head and smiled... a small, tired smile. "Hi," she said, her voice flat. "Shift over?"



I nodded and slid in the chair opposite to her. I reached over the desk to touch her hand. "You okay?"


"Yes of course, I'm fine," but in the same moment she shook her head. Tears gathered in her eyes and I left my chair to kneel next to her on the floor. I took her hand into mine and used my free hand to wipe away the tears. As she started to cry, I held her.


* * *


It took some time till she could talk coherently again. "He almost died this time," she whispered, her wet faced pressed to my shoulder.


I stroked her hair and answered soothingly. "But he didn't, McCoy saved him. And now he is well again." I bit my tongue not to say more... and now he's with the Captain. And you are still alone...


Instead I took her face in my hands and looked at her. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hair out of order. But I still found her beautiful.



"You're tired, dear. It's late and I'm sure you didn't sleep much during the last days." ...Instead you kept watch over the Vulcan, I know you too well...


She nodded and didn't protest as I helped her to her feet. She nearly stumbled with exhaustion and I slid my arm around her waist to hold her close to me.


She was thinner than I recall, so I guess, she didn't eat properly, too.


* * *


I took Christine to her quarters and pushed her down to sit on the edge of her bed. While I knelt down to slid her boots off, I started to tell her of the last letter my mother wrote, of my day on the bridge (which was routine after all) and some of the gossip I’d heard in the mess. It was meaningless which topic I spoke about, as long it had nothing to do with Mr. Spock or the Captain. I kept my voice calm and soothing.


She raised her arms to help me with her dress and laid back as I pushed her gently down. I pulled up the covers and sat next to her on the bed. She reached for my hand. "I'm glad you're here," she said.


I just smiled and brushed her hair back. "Sleep now," I said. "I'll be here for a while."


Obediently she closed her eyes and I waved the lights down. I held her hand till she slept. Then I got up, kissed her on the forehead, and left her quarters in silence.


* * *


I find myself unable to sleep. Instead I find myself once more thinking about taking the easy way out of this and transferring off the ship. But I love my work; I have friends - and the one I love lives here. She just doesn't know it. Yes, I love Christine...


I can't recall when the friendship with her began to mean more and more for me. I always knew about my bisexuality and during my time at the academy I had a two-year-relationship with my female roommate. Later I had lovers of both gender, even aboard the Enterprise.

I can still act as her friend, even if I yearn for more. I was there for her after her beloved Vulcan married the Captain. I held her in my arms while she cried, and hurt for her.


I wanted to kiss the tears from her cheeks.  I wanted to see her fair hair tumble down.  And I wanted to see her smile, and kiss me back.  I even imagined how her skin would taste and how her nipples would tighten when I sucked them into my mouth.  I imagined her moaning and trembling beneath my hands, my lips...


I've tried to stop dwelling on these images, because I fear I can't act as her friend with them in my mind.


Nobody knows - except Scotty. Sometimes even I need somebody to talk to. He had a hard time, for a while, to picture me loving woman. But eventually he was a real friend to me. He even tried to encourage me to talk with Christine and to tell her about my feelings.


But of course I never dared. I think this would be more than she could handle...


* * *


She finished the entry into her personal log. But it took a long time for Nyota Uhura to sleep that night.




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For T'Len's and my stories visit: The TOS Twins http://home.dencity.com/TOSTwins/KSlash.htm