"Convergence"
by Jimaine
Reply to the Friday 5-min-challenge of July 26th
Pairing: Hawkeye/BJ (pre-slash)
Rating: G
Archive: mash-slash, T'Len's & Lady Charena's
Swamp, and various interested parties
(providing prior expression of interest)
Disclaimer: I
don't own MASH or any of the characters. Unfortunately.
I'm gonna rectify
that oversight by building a time-machine and marrying Larry Gelbart.
**********
//If I
don't do this now, I'll never know.//
//Do
what?//
//Can't
tell you.//
//Why not?//
//Because
telling you would *be* doing what I'm afraid of doing, that's why!//
"Penny
for your thoughts, Hawkeye."
The
voice jolts me back into reality, allows me to move again.
I
hadn't realized that I'd stopped.
Maybe
one day I'll stop forever and never even notice. Wouldn't that be funny...
Careless,
Hawk, careless.
With a
sigh, I put aside brush and soap and straighten my aching back. Yeah, I'm here
again. Minor
lapse
in the 24/7 self-surveillance. But the past has this nasty habit of sneaking up
on you when you
least
expect it. A long-forgotten moment just ambushed me at the basin in the scrub
room, taking
advantage
of this surgeon who'd gotten lost in the repetitive motions. Like a gazelle at
the water-hole,
I'm
easy prey for memories.
Drying
off my hands, I look up and give a smile by way of a reply. "That wouldn't
be enough, I'm
afraid.
Not by far. – What've we got out there?" How often have we had this
conversation already? Me
asking
and you answering, or you asking and me giving the answer that never seems to
change. It's as
much a
ritual as the scrubbing.
"Two
nasty chest cases, a couple of compound fractures and at least three legs whose
owners are
prime
candidates for arterial transplants…I'd say all in all about half a ton of
shrapnel evenly distributed
throughout
twenty-odd bodies."
"Just
what your draft-board prescribed. Start the music, Beej."
"Had
a nice vacation just then?"
"Pleasant
enough. I'll show you the brochure later on."
"Wherever
it was, I'm glad you're back. I hate to work alone."
Not
far away, actually, I was right here, in an identical moment. Just in someone
else's company...not
that
this little detail matters anymore. It's been so long. I remember mobilizing
all my courage for three
words,
eight letters. The kind of courage you can have only once in your entire life.
Who am
I to think that I can do it twice?
But
sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. And if not now, I'll never know.
It
happens almost by itself.
A
second ago, I was there and suddenly, one step later, I'm *here*…right in front
of you, blocking
your
way into the O.R. I'm doing it.
"Beej…" Saying your name and forcing out the request. "When
we are
done here, I need to talk to you, Beej. It's…kinda important. To both of
us."
Courage,
courage, do I have enough?
You
turn your head, you nod…and say, "I know". Nothing more.
Looking
at you, into your eyes, my voice catches somewhere between my heart and my
mouth. Yes.
You
know. And through your silent acceptance I'm being told something else,
something even more
important:
courage isn't required. Only trust.
FINIS